Have you ever really taken a second to put yourself in the place of Mary mother of Jesus when she was in labor and giving birth? I have experienced a home birth and in doing that I felt like I was much more aware of what took place when I was birthing my baby. In my previous hospital births I was on a bed on my back and things were hectic. When I was at home everything was slower and quiet and I was more mentally present. I realized more clearly how messy everything was and how much prep and work it took to keep things safe and okay. I was reading a book that talked about giving birth in a slum in Africa, how there is no clean water, no clean cloths to wrap the baby in, and that everyone is just scrambling to find something sharp to cut the cord.
When Mary gave birth to Jesus we know that Joseph was with her and that they were in place where animals were housed. It was filthy in there I imagine. There were no clean shavings like there are now. They had straw at best. I imagine it was more full of animals than it had ever been with so many people in town for the census that was taking place. The town was packed with people. Mary was young, it was her first baby and I doubt Joseph was well versed in child birth. I took some time to imagine the pain, panic, the scrambling to find a clean cloth to wrap the baby in, something sharp to cut the cord, Joseph not wanting to leave his wife but needing water to wash her, give her something to drink, needing warmth for the baby and I imagine there were some concerned and kind woman that helped as well. After the baby was born the safest place they could place him was in a manger. They certainly couldn't put him on the ground with the filth, rats and animals hooves. I just feel so overwhelmed thinking about it when I think about how I felt after giving birth. What an intense situation and yet the wonder in it all as well! The couple now brought so closely together by this birth and their journey. They must have been so relieved.
This year for some reason a bit more strongly than others the fact that God chose for his son to be born out of wedlock, to a young girl in a town where she had no family, for his son to be born in a stable with animals, really impacted me. His beginning was as humble as humanly possible. His first official visitors were shepherds from the hills who were thought of the lowest of the low at that time. They were a half step above untouchable lepers. They would have been filthy and overwhelmed and beautiful all at once.
I know the adoration I have felt with all my babies when I have first seen them earthside. As I cradle them in my arms I am overwhelmed. Imagine if you held a child whose coming had been prophesied about for years! Imagine if YOU had been chosen to parent him and now you had safely brought him into the world and held him in your arms.
There really is no earth shattering realization that I am going to share here that I came to ~ there was simply so much gratitude in my heart on so many levels this year. Gratitude that I grew up in a family that celebrated Christmas, that taught me to look around for those in need and to give, that I was able to adopt and then also have children and that I have a family, that I am never alone because that little baby did come to earth. His coming changed so much. I am just so thankful.
I hope that as this next year begins there are moments for you where your eyes are opened that much more to all the blessings around you and that your soul is flooded with thankfulness.
Love Tansy
Saturday, 30 December 2017
Looking Back
Here I am in the later part of the afternoon of an absolutely glorious day. This year is almost over and last night my husband and I ended up talking a bit about how this last year in our lives actually went. The conversation started because he was writing out some goals for himself for the coming year (There is a lot of power in actually writing out goals for yourself and having them somewhere visible). I was looking at my blog as he was talking to me and started showing him pictures of all the things he had accomplished last year in our life. We sat there afterwards feeling in awe that we had made it through.
We started the new year having just moved into a home that we were extensively renovating while living in it. He had also just started a new very high stress job and one that was something he had never done before. I had also just found out I was expecting and was sick immediately. The year started out with such intensity. All the children were sick for months, the house was torn apart upstairs and down, we felt like we were drowning. We were in the thick of it just trying to get through each day not realizing then how much we had going on at the time. Now looking back we are just glad we got through it with the amount of scars that we did. We are okay. We are through. Looking back we were in awe of all that happened and was accomplished. I ended up losing our sweet baby, my husband managed to get the whole house renovated, he managed to keep his job, and on a site where last year at this time not one building stood there are now over eighty, the children are all homeschooling now, we are settled in, my body has recovered from its loss and we are forging ahead.
There is so much good in the looking back and seeing the truth in what was actually going on. It can take the sting out of the scars. Life is hard for everyone! There are no exceptions. Every one's lives are their own unique experience and they see it through their lenses. We had so many wonderful memories to take away from this year. We are looking forward to a new year with a house that is mostly finished. We are looking forward to life with four children all a year older and that much more capable. We are looking forward to my husband being more confident in his role in his job and the same for me.
We didn't get through this year on our own. We had family and friends that held us up through each hard moment. We had our faith to hold us up as well.
If you were part of that team of people that make up our foundation ~ thank you. Any good in life comes from true relationship, from true caring hearts. Your caring hearts that held us up and got us through were not taken forgranted. We so appreciate you. We are thankful to have arrived at this time of year stronger, more aware, and hopeful. God bless you so ~
Tansy
We started the new year having just moved into a home that we were extensively renovating while living in it. He had also just started a new very high stress job and one that was something he had never done before. I had also just found out I was expecting and was sick immediately. The year started out with such intensity. All the children were sick for months, the house was torn apart upstairs and down, we felt like we were drowning. We were in the thick of it just trying to get through each day not realizing then how much we had going on at the time. Now looking back we are just glad we got through it with the amount of scars that we did. We are okay. We are through. Looking back we were in awe of all that happened and was accomplished. I ended up losing our sweet baby, my husband managed to get the whole house renovated, he managed to keep his job, and on a site where last year at this time not one building stood there are now over eighty, the children are all homeschooling now, we are settled in, my body has recovered from its loss and we are forging ahead.
There is so much good in the looking back and seeing the truth in what was actually going on. It can take the sting out of the scars. Life is hard for everyone! There are no exceptions. Every one's lives are their own unique experience and they see it through their lenses. We had so many wonderful memories to take away from this year. We are looking forward to a new year with a house that is mostly finished. We are looking forward to life with four children all a year older and that much more capable. We are looking forward to my husband being more confident in his role in his job and the same for me.
We didn't get through this year on our own. We had family and friends that held us up through each hard moment. We had our faith to hold us up as well.
If you were part of that team of people that make up our foundation ~ thank you. Any good in life comes from true relationship, from true caring hearts. Your caring hearts that held us up and got us through were not taken forgranted. We so appreciate you. We are thankful to have arrived at this time of year stronger, more aware, and hopeful. God bless you so ~
Tansy
Wednesday, 20 December 2017
Eagles Wings
There is a verse in the Bible about rising up on wings like eagles. If you don't have eagles in your area this isn't going to mean much to you. We have eagles here however and I see them almost every day. I live by a river and right now the Eagles are always close by. They are huge majestic birds. There have been so many times in my life where I wished I could just spread my wings and fly away for a while up in the blue dipping and soaring. Eagles look so strong and free.
Christmas is almost here and I bet a lot of us are pretty weary. Christmas is wonderful, and a lot of stress and work! We are probably almost at a point where we get to holiday or if you are a stay at home mom then nope, no holiday, just an added work load that you will try to take on with the best attitude you can muster, all the while pounding back coffee or chocolate or whatever it is you use! I send you my best wishes; and if you can take some moments for you. Even though we can't literally soar up into the blue we can rest. Our strength can be renewed. I saw a quote today about how a field that rests give a much more bountiful harvest and that spoke to me. Rest is vital for our souls and our spirits. So in all this hustle and bustle may you also find rest!
Love Tansy
It's A Tradition!
Two weekends ago it was beautifully sunny and the perfect weather to purchase and bring home a Christmas tree, and we didn't get around to it! This last weekend was cold and cloudy with a lot of rain so we went and got our tree of course. I was nervous our kitten would knock it down and she hasn't. I thought we'd get a tiny tree, and we didn't. We dressed warmly and had the most drama free tree picking session in the history of our family. One year I remember my cousin and his wife came with us and our newest baby at the time screamed hysterically the whole half an hour drive up. I mentioned being dropped off at my parents or maybe on the side of the road with him and they could go on without said baby and I...it was that unbearable... and the cousins looked worried ~ and I am sure decided to wait even longer to have children...but we made it through! Every year when someone cries about not getting the tree THEY chose even it is was withered dead and about a foot tall....we make it through.
This year however was pretty glorious and we loved every second of it. I made the littles wear full snow gear which was a very wise choice and when I missed the actual tree cutting the older family members kindly re enacted it for me. We came home and my husband did the lights and then disappeared which is normal...I noticed the three younger children were beyond excited still while my oldest was not quite as enamored. My three year old felt every single decoration was a treasure and was snuggling every precious thing. Here are some pictures ~
And there you have it! The tree is up and Christmas is five days away now. My three year old has not pre opened a single gift but every morning he wakes up hoping it is Christmas.
Have a great rest of your week!
Love Tansy
This year however was pretty glorious and we loved every second of it. I made the littles wear full snow gear which was a very wise choice and when I missed the actual tree cutting the older family members kindly re enacted it for me. We came home and my husband did the lights and then disappeared which is normal...I noticed the three younger children were beyond excited still while my oldest was not quite as enamored. My three year old felt every single decoration was a treasure and was snuggling every precious thing. Here are some pictures ~
And there you have it! The tree is up and Christmas is five days away now. My three year old has not pre opened a single gift but every morning he wakes up hoping it is Christmas.
Have a great rest of your week!
Love Tansy
Thursday, 14 December 2017
That Very First Day of Your Forever
Why do you do that!?
What is your deal?!
Seriously that is SO annoying...
Do you have to be sick right now?
Listen I got NO sleep and have NO patience so YOU deal with it.
Seriously just stop, do NOT touch me, I am so exhausted.
Have you ever said any of those words to your spouse? Or at least thought the words, and many others? I saw a video today by Joy Prouty who is a photographer. She rode on horse back up a mountain and photographed a couple exchanging their vows. There was a video of them saying them and for a moment watching it conjured up this feeling of longing. I just wish for a second to go back my wedding day. To go back to that feeling that nothing in the world could take us down. That we TOGETHER were unstoppable ~ that our DREAMS mattered and WOULD be fulfilled. Snippets of moments of that day came to me. It is so long ago now really and so much has happened. I think the world has done a good job of trying to fracture any little bit of something we may have had.
We start out weaker than we know. The first trauma, the first wound, the first big hard moment that comes up begins the testing. Everyone goes through it. Then all that you have been raised to be by your parents comes forth. You get to see the real you deep down and so does your spouse. Sometimes it isn't so pretty. Some take time to wonder why and realize that isn't who they want to be. Other's just blindly go and flounder and fall. Some sail through every storm with strength. However that day ~ the first day of your forever ~ is such a huge beginning and until we are a ways in we do not, can not, grasp the depth and width and height of what we are really promising. Till death do us part? REALLY? The ring on your finger that you gasped and cried over when it was placed on your finger...the yes you said, the tears you shed in wonder and awe....from that moment on you are entering a life that can only be lived by you and your spouse. It isn't easy for anyone. Imagine if you could going back to that moment with him (or her). Would you do it all over again? You chose to once, you've seen all this person is now, where their roots lie, and would you do it again?
The reason I want to go back like I said before is to grasp just a bit tighter that feeling of strength. Even though, really, your bond is somewhat untested it FEELS SO UNBREAKABLE. Sleepless nights, infertility, poverty, grief....it all may lie ahead but in those moments you could care less and you said yes. You promised. Keep on keeping on. Remember that feeling. Pursue your dreams in whatever reality you can and pursue them together. Remember how amazing and perfect you thought your partner was? Is it almost laughable. Like could you imagine a huge fight with them? Did you ever imagine them hurting your heart? Probably not so much. Here is the thing though ~
I am preaching to myself here every time, every single time.
You are just as strong, just as unbreakable as you were on that very first day. Time has maybe told you otherwise but I would say that that is a lie ~ that you in fact are even stronger, even more unstoppable because you have made it this far. Maybe walk in that for a while. I hope your head is held high and love shines like a beacon from your eyes like it did that very first day, because it was in you then and it still can be now. You are not beaten, you are not done, you together are still a promise, still a joy, still a purpose, still strong...
Love Tansy
*this does not apply if you are in an abusive relationship ~ and if that is your case ~ please get help!*
What is your deal?!
Seriously that is SO annoying...
Do you have to be sick right now?
Listen I got NO sleep and have NO patience so YOU deal with it.
Seriously just stop, do NOT touch me, I am so exhausted.
Have you ever said any of those words to your spouse? Or at least thought the words, and many others? I saw a video today by Joy Prouty who is a photographer. She rode on horse back up a mountain and photographed a couple exchanging their vows. There was a video of them saying them and for a moment watching it conjured up this feeling of longing. I just wish for a second to go back my wedding day. To go back to that feeling that nothing in the world could take us down. That we TOGETHER were unstoppable ~ that our DREAMS mattered and WOULD be fulfilled. Snippets of moments of that day came to me. It is so long ago now really and so much has happened. I think the world has done a good job of trying to fracture any little bit of something we may have had.
We start out weaker than we know. The first trauma, the first wound, the first big hard moment that comes up begins the testing. Everyone goes through it. Then all that you have been raised to be by your parents comes forth. You get to see the real you deep down and so does your spouse. Sometimes it isn't so pretty. Some take time to wonder why and realize that isn't who they want to be. Other's just blindly go and flounder and fall. Some sail through every storm with strength. However that day ~ the first day of your forever ~ is such a huge beginning and until we are a ways in we do not, can not, grasp the depth and width and height of what we are really promising. Till death do us part? REALLY? The ring on your finger that you gasped and cried over when it was placed on your finger...the yes you said, the tears you shed in wonder and awe....from that moment on you are entering a life that can only be lived by you and your spouse. It isn't easy for anyone. Imagine if you could going back to that moment with him (or her). Would you do it all over again? You chose to once, you've seen all this person is now, where their roots lie, and would you do it again?
The reason I want to go back like I said before is to grasp just a bit tighter that feeling of strength. Even though, really, your bond is somewhat untested it FEELS SO UNBREAKABLE. Sleepless nights, infertility, poverty, grief....it all may lie ahead but in those moments you could care less and you said yes. You promised. Keep on keeping on. Remember that feeling. Pursue your dreams in whatever reality you can and pursue them together. Remember how amazing and perfect you thought your partner was? Is it almost laughable. Like could you imagine a huge fight with them? Did you ever imagine them hurting your heart? Probably not so much. Here is the thing though ~
I am preaching to myself here every time, every single time.
You are just as strong, just as unbreakable as you were on that very first day. Time has maybe told you otherwise but I would say that that is a lie ~ that you in fact are even stronger, even more unstoppable because you have made it this far. Maybe walk in that for a while. I hope your head is held high and love shines like a beacon from your eyes like it did that very first day, because it was in you then and it still can be now. You are not beaten, you are not done, you together are still a promise, still a joy, still a purpose, still strong...
Love Tansy
*this does not apply if you are in an abusive relationship ~ and if that is your case ~ please get help!*
Tuesday, 12 December 2017
The Gift You Are
In the last two weeks I have learned of two guys who are close to my age that have been given the news that they have cancer doctors will do nothing to treat. They basically have been given a warning that they have only a certain amount of time left here on earth, and it isn't a long time. Both men are married with young children. They have wives that love them. This news is devastating.
Since I had cancer in my early twenties, and since the cancer rate here in my country is one in every two people, I always feel like there is some sort of cancer ticking time bomb just waiting, and who will be next that I love. As lives everywhere are so stress filled, so filled with internet and microwave and every other kind of waves, and our food is filled with chemicals, and the list never stops ~ how can we not be getting this sickness?
It would be easy to give into anxiety and total fear every day for me in this regard. Somedays I am overcome I admit. Today though I am choosing to just enjoy every second I can. The view out my window, my three year old in massive cow boy boots, my seven year old adding all sorts of stuffies and little critters to the manger scene, my thirteen year old making lunch, the kitten purring ~ and onwards it goes. We only have right now. It is so hard to fathom that! It is so hard to live in this especially now as we are so distracted all the time by social media. I told my husband on the weekend that when he got home after a long day I just wanted to try to enjoy every second with him. I wanted to try just for that evening to live like we didn't have long together. Often evenings for us are strained as we both have so little to give. Yet if this was our last one...
I hope today you feel like you can stop for a minute, focus in on how you are doing, how those in relationship with you are feeling, how you are choosing to live right now. It is important. Our lives are a gift. It doesn't always feel that way I know and during this season when closeness of family is highlighted and extra money is needed things can feel so discouraging or overwhelming or hard. Maybe you are sick or in pain. Maybe you are feeling so discouraged or overcome. There is maybe nothing about this moment you are in right now that seems good. However the good in this moment is that you are still here. With every breath you are taking you can be a gift.
I remember being so so sick in the hospital (when I was having my first chemo treatment ~ it felt like I was dying a whole new kind of death) and sharing a room with an elderly woman who was not being treated kindly by the nurses. I was struck with how kind they were to me because I was so young but how uncaring they were to her. In the moment I felt so overwhelmed, in so much pain and so useless, but I had flowers someone had given me and she didn't. I struggled over to her bed and gave them to her before getting to go home. It helped that one moment be a lot brighter than many others that day.
So if you can ~ give something ~ a smile, a kind word, something from your heart, and remember that even in dark dark moments you are still here and can be a gift and that moment can count for so much.
Love Tansy
Since I had cancer in my early twenties, and since the cancer rate here in my country is one in every two people, I always feel like there is some sort of cancer ticking time bomb just waiting, and who will be next that I love. As lives everywhere are so stress filled, so filled with internet and microwave and every other kind of waves, and our food is filled with chemicals, and the list never stops ~ how can we not be getting this sickness?
It would be easy to give into anxiety and total fear every day for me in this regard. Somedays I am overcome I admit. Today though I am choosing to just enjoy every second I can. The view out my window, my three year old in massive cow boy boots, my seven year old adding all sorts of stuffies and little critters to the manger scene, my thirteen year old making lunch, the kitten purring ~ and onwards it goes. We only have right now. It is so hard to fathom that! It is so hard to live in this especially now as we are so distracted all the time by social media. I told my husband on the weekend that when he got home after a long day I just wanted to try to enjoy every second with him. I wanted to try just for that evening to live like we didn't have long together. Often evenings for us are strained as we both have so little to give. Yet if this was our last one...
I hope today you feel like you can stop for a minute, focus in on how you are doing, how those in relationship with you are feeling, how you are choosing to live right now. It is important. Our lives are a gift. It doesn't always feel that way I know and during this season when closeness of family is highlighted and extra money is needed things can feel so discouraging or overwhelming or hard. Maybe you are sick or in pain. Maybe you are feeling so discouraged or overcome. There is maybe nothing about this moment you are in right now that seems good. However the good in this moment is that you are still here. With every breath you are taking you can be a gift.
I remember being so so sick in the hospital (when I was having my first chemo treatment ~ it felt like I was dying a whole new kind of death) and sharing a room with an elderly woman who was not being treated kindly by the nurses. I was struck with how kind they were to me because I was so young but how uncaring they were to her. In the moment I felt so overwhelmed, in so much pain and so useless, but I had flowers someone had given me and she didn't. I struggled over to her bed and gave them to her before getting to go home. It helped that one moment be a lot brighter than many others that day.
So if you can ~ give something ~ a smile, a kind word, something from your heart, and remember that even in dark dark moments you are still here and can be a gift and that moment can count for so much.
Love Tansy
Wednesday, 6 December 2017
Pretty
We have a girl that has temporarily moved in with us and is helping me with many things but one of the best is cooking. She made a blueberry pie the other day and it just spoke to my soul :) She also brought beautiful eggs from her parent's home and THEY spoke to my soul.
It was delicious!
My oldest turned thirteen and we had a tea party. It was quite sweet.
A thrift store find that I adore.
A little bird that was unwell. My son could have held it in his hand if he wanted. It passed away that evening but for a while it ate and was chatted to.
He named him Pippin.
A special birthday cake for my thirteen year old.
An incredible birthday gift from a wonderful lady.
Our first clear day in a long time. It was amazing.
Yesterday we were doing Christmas crafts at a friends house. She had many precious decorations which I loved. None of these are mine.
I hope your December is going well. This week my computers are trying to drive me mad. This one I am using now, I just turned on and it said a fatal error had occurred and any unsaved files would be lost. Thankfully it still turned on. Yesterday my brand new computer of three weeks died and nothing could be saved much less brought up. There was no reason. It worked just fine in the morning and when we got home in the afternoon it was done. It was awful. Thankfully we could exchange it which we did. Then we tried a lap top our homeschool had given us to try to do Math and although it had worked fine previously it decided it would not connect to the internet because it said it needed a cable it has never needed before. There was not much school work done today and we ended up just going for a glorious walk which we needed anyway! Have a great rest of you week xo
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