How do you know when it is the right time to do something new? It is almost always our choice to make a major step and change things up. I moved twice in my childhood that I remember. Both moves made a big impact on me. I was not the most easy going child. I was pretty sensitive and did not love change. Any big change made me feel apprehensive and pensive and worried about what was to come. I still struggle with that. My husband and I have moved seven times in almost fifteen years. We have always lived in the same town and always lived in the same area of town but some of those moves have been really challenging.
I find now that I live in a state of always thinking about moving. I feel so aware of the junk drawers filling up, the closets getting too full, all the things that make moving intense. I am far from a minimalist but I am also not one that has crazy amounts of things ~ but that is according to my North American standards. I do have a lot.
I am thinking about this because my husband and I have this crazy dream to own acreage. If we wanted to buy ten acres here in our town with a house on the property with a suite on it that would cost over a millions dollars. In order for us to buy acreage we have to leave town and move to a much smaller town hours away. I homeschool my three oldest children. The two oldest have special needs funding and learning is actually hard for all three of my oldest children as they all have dyslexia among other issues. The thought of moving out of this town and trying to get started somewhere else is daunting to me. Yet I feel like there is this calling in my heart for farm life. Why? Is it crazy. It seems like it most of the time.
However I know that change will come ~ because it always does. Nothing ever stays the same. Most days I am okay with it but some days I can't bear the thought that my sister might move away and I will hardly ever get to see her in person or that my other sister might move out of my house. That my children are not babies anymore and that they are going to be spreading their wings and one day leaving the nest! I am not borrowing trouble, really I am not, I am just aware of what I have right now.
So change will come, we might not know if it is the perfect time to make the leap, we might just do it. We might go through really hard times because of our choices or we might really be blessed. We just don't know. What we do know is that change always comes. Each day there is much to be thankful for in what we have right now. The baby that doesn't sleep at night but loves you so so so so much that you can't leave them for more than twenty minutes? Change will come before you know it and they wont need you quite so much. Your time with your parents ~ and all of those you love ~ is not forever.
I am reminding myself to attempt, in my anxiety and some times unreality, to be present and to be thankful.
I hope you are doing well
xo
Saturday, 10 March 2018
Comments
I just wanted to give a shoutout to my two sisters who faithfully comment on my blog. I also want to thank those who email me or just let me know they read what I wrote and that it made them remember or process something. I really really appreciate you taking the time out of a long busy day to let me know you took time to read my words. You are amazing! All of you!
Especially Laura and Racheal :)
Thank you also to all the people all over the world who somehow stumble across this space and take time to look at the pictures or read the words. You are awesome!!!
XO
Especially Laura and Racheal :)
Thank you also to all the people all over the world who somehow stumble across this space and take time to look at the pictures or read the words. You are awesome!!!
XO
Tuesday, 6 March 2018
A Sweet Moment (10)
Have you ever felt like the God just reached out (or the Universe) and gave you something that felt like it was just exactly, perfectly for you? I have had a couple moments like this in my life and I have a story about a friend who experienced this as well. I'll tell you my friend's story first.
She was headed to a special place she goes to each year for a time of refreshing. She loves Starfish and the year before she hadn't seen any. She would be by the Ocean most of the trip and she commented before she left that she just wanted to see one, just one Starfish, and that that would mean so much. Her trip takes three ferries to reach her destination and I believe it was at the start of her second ferry trip while she was waiting for it to arrive, that she saw them. I had specifically sent up a prayer that she would see Starfish. It was important, and there they were. Hundreds of Starfish covered the beach of every color and size. It was amazing. What a sweet moment, a rare moment, just for her.
The moment I had was not quite a stunningly beautiful but it felt just as special to me. I had wanted a pair of grey boots. I am not even sure why. However I was on a shopping trip with a girl and was buying HER grey boots. This meant I could not afford to get any myself. I was fine with that. She wanted very expensive boots and I was willing to buy them for her. So we looked and looked. She was very specific and not just any boot would do. At one point I asked if we could just look at this one thrift store because she had never been to a Thrift Store (thrift stores are some of the best places to find treasures). I thought maybe her perfect boots were there. They were not, but get this...mine were. As she was trying on pair after pair of boots I saw a pair that looked about my size (I have small feet). They were beautiful, leather, and made in Italy. I knew that no one else on my continent probably had that pair of boots. They were so cheap, just a few dollars, that I knew I could afford them. I felt like it was a moment where a little thought in my head and a wish in my heart... that I had not uttered aloud.. was heard by God and answered so kindly and thoughtfully. I still have those boots. They are amazing.
I had that happen again years later where my friend had bought a certain kind of shoe. I LOVED them but they were two hundred dollars. I couldn't buy them and I didn't. However every time I saw them on her feet I wished I had been able to buy a pair. About two years after she bought them I was at a thrift store and low and behold there were the exact shoes, in my size, in perfect condition, for a couple dollars. Yet again, another specific precious gift to me, from God, in the form of shoes. I bought them, and love them and still enjoy them.
You are precious and special and so am I. If you ask, and pay attention, you will be given precious gifts, meant just for you ~ no matter who you are.
xo
She was headed to a special place she goes to each year for a time of refreshing. She loves Starfish and the year before she hadn't seen any. She would be by the Ocean most of the trip and she commented before she left that she just wanted to see one, just one Starfish, and that that would mean so much. Her trip takes three ferries to reach her destination and I believe it was at the start of her second ferry trip while she was waiting for it to arrive, that she saw them. I had specifically sent up a prayer that she would see Starfish. It was important, and there they were. Hundreds of Starfish covered the beach of every color and size. It was amazing. What a sweet moment, a rare moment, just for her.
The moment I had was not quite a stunningly beautiful but it felt just as special to me. I had wanted a pair of grey boots. I am not even sure why. However I was on a shopping trip with a girl and was buying HER grey boots. This meant I could not afford to get any myself. I was fine with that. She wanted very expensive boots and I was willing to buy them for her. So we looked and looked. She was very specific and not just any boot would do. At one point I asked if we could just look at this one thrift store because she had never been to a Thrift Store (thrift stores are some of the best places to find treasures). I thought maybe her perfect boots were there. They were not, but get this...mine were. As she was trying on pair after pair of boots I saw a pair that looked about my size (I have small feet). They were beautiful, leather, and made in Italy. I knew that no one else on my continent probably had that pair of boots. They were so cheap, just a few dollars, that I knew I could afford them. I felt like it was a moment where a little thought in my head and a wish in my heart... that I had not uttered aloud.. was heard by God and answered so kindly and thoughtfully. I still have those boots. They are amazing.
I had that happen again years later where my friend had bought a certain kind of shoe. I LOVED them but they were two hundred dollars. I couldn't buy them and I didn't. However every time I saw them on her feet I wished I had been able to buy a pair. About two years after she bought them I was at a thrift store and low and behold there were the exact shoes, in my size, in perfect condition, for a couple dollars. Yet again, another specific precious gift to me, from God, in the form of shoes. I bought them, and love them and still enjoy them.
You are precious and special and so am I. If you ask, and pay attention, you will be given precious gifts, meant just for you ~ no matter who you are.
xo
And March Has Come
March has arrived and today so has the sun. I feel like it is the sun that has been 'hiding' for a few months. Even on sunny days in the last few months the light has not been like this nor has the air or atmosphere felt like this. It is that Spring feeling where the grey and pall and 'death' of winter starts to peel away and a new layer of life and energy starts to unfurl and bloom. It is one of the very best feelings. My children have been sick for weeks now. There is nothing really definite but just a lingering unwellness. This affects our abilities to feel happy and positive and creative and hinders our school work and everything else. I am ready, oh so ready, for Spring children if that makes any sense. The Winter children have worn me to my marrow. Therefore I am so so thankful for this sunshine!
Have you had a hard winter? This winter has been okay for me. Last winter was a nightmare and because this winter wasn't last winter, I felt like it was so much more bearable, if that makes any sense. Last winter was very very hard to recover from. I feel like this Spring is going to be so beautiful for me because I can actually enjoy it so much more as there wont be a pall of grief and continual exhaustion just hanging over my head. I made it through, as can you, through that hard winter I mean. I have made it through so many hard seasons. Sometimes my head has been bowed low, shoulders hunched, for months on end. I have felt pretty dead inside. Getting out of bed, choosing to eat good food, socializing, having the energy to exercise...all of that was very very hard for me. Other times I have been able to rise up and feel blessed, call myself blessed, for I am.
You are too. You are blessed. If you don't feel so right now, that is okay. You don't need to. You don't have to feel happy all the time. If you have or are going through very hard things it is okay to grieve. Our society doesn't really agree with the grieving process. It doesn't love reality or realness. It wants you to move on, get your head up, your mask on right and present that smile you are supposed to have. I totally disagree. Grieving is not bitterness or laziness either; is taking time to recover from a time of intense stress and maybe trauma. So maybe you need to be giving yourself a mental break, a physical break, and just taking a lot of Epsom salt baths, drinking a lot of water with lemon and honey, taking your children to the park to play if you have some, maybe you need fresh flowers on your table every week, lots of nourishing soups maybe someone else could make for you? Maybe you need someone to talk to regularly for a while each week, to pray with you, or just listen. Beautiful music soothes the soul...maybe play that and just let your body know you understand, you hear it, you empathise and you care. Sit by water, sit in meadows, take time for quiet. You are allowed to take time to heal, to grieve, to feel and it might take a while. That is okay. You are still blessed, still loved, and still here.
Sending you love
Tansy
Have you had a hard winter? This winter has been okay for me. Last winter was a nightmare and because this winter wasn't last winter, I felt like it was so much more bearable, if that makes any sense. Last winter was very very hard to recover from. I feel like this Spring is going to be so beautiful for me because I can actually enjoy it so much more as there wont be a pall of grief and continual exhaustion just hanging over my head. I made it through, as can you, through that hard winter I mean. I have made it through so many hard seasons. Sometimes my head has been bowed low, shoulders hunched, for months on end. I have felt pretty dead inside. Getting out of bed, choosing to eat good food, socializing, having the energy to exercise...all of that was very very hard for me. Other times I have been able to rise up and feel blessed, call myself blessed, for I am.
You are too. You are blessed. If you don't feel so right now, that is okay. You don't need to. You don't have to feel happy all the time. If you have or are going through very hard things it is okay to grieve. Our society doesn't really agree with the grieving process. It doesn't love reality or realness. It wants you to move on, get your head up, your mask on right and present that smile you are supposed to have. I totally disagree. Grieving is not bitterness or laziness either; is taking time to recover from a time of intense stress and maybe trauma. So maybe you need to be giving yourself a mental break, a physical break, and just taking a lot of Epsom salt baths, drinking a lot of water with lemon and honey, taking your children to the park to play if you have some, maybe you need fresh flowers on your table every week, lots of nourishing soups maybe someone else could make for you? Maybe you need someone to talk to regularly for a while each week, to pray with you, or just listen. Beautiful music soothes the soul...maybe play that and just let your body know you understand, you hear it, you empathise and you care. Sit by water, sit in meadows, take time for quiet. You are allowed to take time to heal, to grieve, to feel and it might take a while. That is okay. You are still blessed, still loved, and still here.
Sending you love
Tansy
A Sweet Moment (9)
Last year I did a bit of a series called 'A Sweet Moment' and I had done that in March. Well look at that, it is March again! Already....which means I am almost thirty six...and tomorrow my husband turns thirty seven!
I have another sweet moment to share with you. It once again goes back to when I was a child. I was maybe ten in this memory.
Let me set the scene ~ A group of children in a meadow. There was probably about six of us. We were playing tag. The sun was setting and so the light was that ethereal warm and glowing kind. The meadow was bright with fresh green grass and Buttercups. It was one of those perfect childhood moments that I am so glad I can remember! We were playing tag. The boy who was it decided to chase me and I took off running. I have said before how I often felt constrained in my life. It was like there was a lot of burdens that weighed me down. I couldn't have put that into words when I was younger but I knew something was there that always held me back and made me feel cautious and more aware. So as I was running something amazing happened. For one of the very few times I can remember all those burdens lifted off. I felt like my feet had wings. I can almost promise you that my guardian angel just lifted me up and let me run free. I ran and ran and felt this rush of joy and goodness. That feeling made such an impression on me. No on could catch me. I didn't get tired. I just ran and ran with wings on my feet. The other children noticed my 'wings' and commented on how fast I was funning. I was laughing and laughing because I felt so free. Then the sun set and we were called in for bed. Life continued on as usual but I have never forgotten that moment of freedom. It was pure joy, pure energy, pure light, and all things wonderful and good. There was this spiritual purity in that children's game of tag. We were all so happy and it was like more than just us children were there and happy too. I can't explain it but it was such a sweet moment that has stayed with me forever.
I hope when we get to Heaven we can always feel that beautiful freedom.
Have a lovely day ~
Tansy
I have another sweet moment to share with you. It once again goes back to when I was a child. I was maybe ten in this memory.
Let me set the scene ~ A group of children in a meadow. There was probably about six of us. We were playing tag. The sun was setting and so the light was that ethereal warm and glowing kind. The meadow was bright with fresh green grass and Buttercups. It was one of those perfect childhood moments that I am so glad I can remember! We were playing tag. The boy who was it decided to chase me and I took off running. I have said before how I often felt constrained in my life. It was like there was a lot of burdens that weighed me down. I couldn't have put that into words when I was younger but I knew something was there that always held me back and made me feel cautious and more aware. So as I was running something amazing happened. For one of the very few times I can remember all those burdens lifted off. I felt like my feet had wings. I can almost promise you that my guardian angel just lifted me up and let me run free. I ran and ran and felt this rush of joy and goodness. That feeling made such an impression on me. No on could catch me. I didn't get tired. I just ran and ran with wings on my feet. The other children noticed my 'wings' and commented on how fast I was funning. I was laughing and laughing because I felt so free. Then the sun set and we were called in for bed. Life continued on as usual but I have never forgotten that moment of freedom. It was pure joy, pure energy, pure light, and all things wonderful and good. There was this spiritual purity in that children's game of tag. We were all so happy and it was like more than just us children were there and happy too. I can't explain it but it was such a sweet moment that has stayed with me forever.
I hope when we get to Heaven we can always feel that beautiful freedom.
Have a lovely day ~
Tansy
Tuesday, 27 February 2018
February Birthdays
Birthdays in February can either hold glorious sun and fresh green leaf buds and sweet flowers or it can be cold and snow! My mom is a February gal and this year she had snow on her birthday! That cut the guests down to just us in the house and her and my dad as everyone else was unable to get through the snow. I wanted to make the house feel like Spring somehow and I tried.
Happiest of birthdays to my mother ~ A soul who always celebrates Spring
Happiest of birthdays to my mother ~ A soul who always celebrates Spring
Gettin Married
My brother got married last weekend. I didn't take many photos. My husband was in the wedding party and my youngest child needed a lot of attention throughout the wedding. It was special to all be together as a family and dress up and enjoy all the moments! Here are my few pictures though ~
All the family spiffed up and waiting for the big moment!
My little guy in his wedding clothes
These are my four and my niece
In awe of her beauty!!!
Two of my beautiful sisters
My husband giving me a moment of peace.....
Another sister of mine and my son :)
All the family spiffed up and waiting for the big moment!
My little guy in his wedding clothes
My husband giving me a moment of peace.....
Me
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