Marriage on my Mind

Marriage! Yesterday  *September 6th* my husband and I had our twelve year wedding anniversary. We got married when we were twenty one and twenty two. We had met when we were in grade one. We were NOT high school sweet hearts at all. He dated a couple of my friends through high school and we were such polar opposites! He drove a low rider Mazda and I rocked a mini van. He was dyslexic and grades behind and worked full time through grade twelve (figure that one out!!), and I got straight A's and seemed to relish five hours of homework. He and I did not seem to have much in common at all! So after high school the fact that we got married was more than a surprise for our friends. However it happened, and we did get married ~ outside, on the family farm, in front of three hundred or so people. We made some vows to each other in front of all those witnesses. My engagement ring had been found after being lost for three weeks just before I had walked down the aisle. I was full of hope and vulnerability and trust. At that time neither of us understood the challenge the vow keeping would be. We didn't know how the years would go. We could not have anticipated the hurt and pain, the brokenness, that our marriage would have to go through. We just were giddy and young and 'in love'. In this last twelve years we have endured through miscarriage and cancer, loss and grief, sorrow and heart break, and drama drama drama. We have contemplated leaving each other on more than one occasion. However each time the end seemed near we would rally. We would not be completely crushed. In this enduring we have had the pleasure of  acquiring so many skills we would not have had to acquire if we did not marry each other. My husband is the silent stuff it down type. I tend to be verbal and say what I'm thinking and feeling in the moment. I have had to learn to let go of bitterness and listen to what is actually being said, not just what I perceived. He has learned to talk more about what is going on in his heart. We have gone to years of counseling. We have had four children together. We have felt close and we have felt distant. However we have never quite given up on each other. My whole concept of love has been shattered and rebuilt. I have learned to have boundaries and self respect. We have both had to change completely some parts of ourselves. I am so grateful for all the ones along the way that have helped us through each crisis and rough patch. Thank you to those who have been encouragers and nurturers and who have helped us grow up. Marriage is about making vows that you keep, about battling for each other when the war is being fought. It is about working on vulnerability and boundaries, about loving wholeheartedly and unselfishly, about  being totally committed. It is so ridiculously hard. Yet in the end it is always so intensely beautiful. It is the ultimate test of each person. So here we are, twelve years broken and twelve years rebuilt. Thank you my love for the red roses at 5am after a long night with the baby ~ yet again. Thank you for understanding that I had not even THOUGHT of a gift for you much less a card. My tiredness rules everything right now. Thanks for sticking around all these years and for being willing to lay down pride, work through pain, and fight alongside me.I love you still, I love you forever. Onwards and upwards we go because we still have each other :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjX3NqgtF5w