Mentor

  What do you long for the most as a mother? If you are not a mother this might still apply to you; and it might not apply to you if you are a mother or not :) That being cleared up...what do you long for most as a mother? I am not even sure what I would say as an answer myself. However this morning I was trying to get my one year old to sleep and the word mentor popped into my mind. When I looked up the meaning of Mentor is simply said, 'someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.' In my life I have often sought advice, help, wisdom from others in desperation. I have a friend named Amanda who, when my oldest had been living with us for only a few short months and I had a colicky and generally ill new born baby to boot, I would call in desperation. I had no clue how to be a mother and what to do in most situations! She was a voice of calm and reason in my storms and I would often just cry on the phone to her. I have another friend who I phone named Shanda. She lives far away (as does Amanda) and I often call her when I am totally exhausted and feel that I can't go on any longer. She has children my children's ages and she tells me I am normal and that I am validated and not crazy and horrible because often she feels the same. I have so many friends that I consider supports and invaluable in their places in my life. I feel like they have been given to me as precious gifts. I was thinking about all my friends though, all the places they are in life, all the things they need and long for, and how often alone they feel in their roles as mothers or in their roles of just trying to do life no matter where they are at. I have had moments in my life where I have played a mentor role. I know it was nurturing and helpful. I wish that this generation of mine had mentors readily available. I have had a counselor in the past and now a key worker that are mentors to me. They are older than I and have older grown up children. They have walked through so many of the things I am walking through and survived. They remember how hard this or that stage was. They remember how tiring it was or how lonely it was or how totally overwhelming. Their words of kindness and advice, their solutions to things I just can't find my way out of, are so simple, so perfect, so logical! I am so so SO grateful for them in my life. Once again, such gifts to me. I just wish this was a normal cultural happening in our day and age. I wish that it was something that was just understood. When we left our parent's nests and were trying to fly out there alone ~ I wish someone was just sort of assigned to us to be there along the way. To tell us how amazing we were, how we were doing a great job, tweeks we could do to make things better, how to support our husband through this time better, how that guy might not such a great choice based on this or that, how this might work better for nursing your new born, or to do little things like bring meals over and ask our family over for dinner. Imagine how different life would be? If our birth family was not really a connected one this would be life saving! If our family WAS a connected one this would just be icing on an already amazing cake.
  Why why why? Why is our society so separate. Why do I feel guilty and bad asking for advice and help from people who are not getting PAYED to help me? When I send an SOS to specific people that I have assigned as my go to when life is falling apart I try to only used them once or twice a year. Their lives are so busy, they have enough, why should they have to put time aside to bail me out? Why do I even THINK that? I hope as I go along in life I don't forget this ache. I hope I make myself available and that I offer to mentor when I am older and hopefully a little wiser. I think most of us wish for this deep down. If it was offered wouldn't we feel like a drowning person being thrown a life raft? Mentors ~ Arise! Please? Please.  We ALL need someone who teaches or gives help and advice. We need couples who are mentors, we need fathers and mothers who are mentors, we need young adults who can mentor teens and we need grandmothers and grandfathers. We need to look past ourselves, step outside our areas or familiarity and give all that we have gleaned. It would be such a precious gift to someone. I know I need it. I bet you do too.