Today was a day where the sun didn't just shine outside the house. The house was shiney inside! We dont often have those kinds of days here. Often it feels like we need a glass roof because our house feels dark. I don't really mean physically dark though. Often I feel like my mood is dark because I am perpetually tired and my children out do with their energy and persistence and needs. This makes the atmosphere of the house dark. My eight year old also has so much anxiety as I have written about previously. It often over powers everything and many times this house feels like a cage that we need to be set free from. His anxiety often has 'trapped' us here as has mine to be totally honest.
Last year I got my two oldest children 'tested' and as a result of the results of the testing they both qualified for funding from our government for extra assistance in school. Last year we tried different people coming to our house ~ a behavioral therapist, a physical therapist and a teacher. None of them worked for all different reasons but my son's anxiety was through the roof. He would run and hide and towards the end he was huddled under the trampoline in our back yard screaming his lungs out. It was just so intense. Needless to say it took a while for me to figure out what I needed to do for him. From the outside looking in the answers probably seem too obvious. I wish they were obvious to me. So often I am bogged down in people pleasing and anxiety so I don't act when I should. I eventually had to let everyone go and stop all therapy and work with him so he could recover. I struggle with following my instincts. I hope I am getting better at that. For whatever reason I feel like I should follow professional advice. In all reality though, I live with my son and so as much as a professional may know about a certain area ~ I know my son best! I decided that for this school year I would ask the school if I could choose the person that was hired and they said yes. So the girl we have had working here with us since November has been perfect. It has taken up until just a couple weeks ago that my son has felt totally comfortable with her but today I looked over and he was sitting on her lap. He is SO tall and gangly and she is pretty petite and it was so precious to see this big eight year old who still feels four most of the time just all snuggled in. My heart just melts at the kindness and tenderness this girl brings into our home. She comes a couple times a week. Two weeks ago my son was willing to out with her and his sister without me there. They went to the wetlands and had a great time. It was so wonderful to have him go somewhere with someone that he has not been spending time with since he was a baby. A bit of a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Today I saw on facebook the dance school I am going to had a gymnastic class starting today from noon till one for children my two middles ages. I asked my son and daughter if they would like to go to it and I knew my five year old would want to but I was not sure what my son would say. He said yes :) So at noon my helper and I and those two headed to gymnastics. They had a wonderful time! Previously I have tried to get my eight year old to go to gymnastics with his best friend and his sister. My oldest daughter took gymnastics for two years and he had the opportunity to go but he wouldn't. Today was different ~ today he went to gymnastics! He got out of the house and went to a class with a strange teacher and strange children! He didn't have an anxiety attack before he left or when he got home. I only stayed long enough to register them.When he came home he said it was 'beyond amazing' and he was brimming with happiness. Both of them were showing me all their 'tricks' they had learned. Really the house did feel different. That shadow of anxiety that is so often lingering was lifted ~ just for a while ~ and our house was shining with confidence, happiness and all things good. What a day to celebrate!
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