Yet another Sunday in this chapter of my life (my mothering chapter, okay chapters). The day where quiet fills my house for a few blessed hours. My husband now faithfully takes all four children to church and I stay home. Bless him Lord! I sit here and just listen to nothing (except the occasional bird) and my bedroom door is open! It is like a miracle. However I only want this for the time they are at church. I realize if my life was like this all the time I would be so lonely. It is good to keep that in the back of my mind. This quiet ~ I need it and I need it IN my home ~ but only for a while. The noise, the nervous energy, the fighting and singing, the endless chatter, the piano or clarinet or bells or pots being 'played', the climbing of the walls (it is the newest thing) and the screaming outside on the trampoline....it is all GOOD noises that need to fill me in a different way than this quiet does.
This week has been one where I have felt...I think I'd describe it like...that noise a truck makes when it backs up...beep beep beep beep.... and you just want to turn it off and stop it! My head just hasn't stopped and the thoughts have gone round and round and my body felt unable to manage. I shed so many tears. It was intense. I FELT so many sad things and overwhelmed things and little and lost. Then yesterday I was given some gifts. My aunty dropped off a vaccum and it works. I have a vaccum again. Almost our whole house is carpet....I am so relieved. I was borrowing my mom's vaccum each week and it was not ideal. I was given the gift of my husband's attention. I know...sounds lame but I really needed it. He listened to me chatter on and on, he responded, he didn't fall asleep. I was also given a gift of some hope of someone helping me with schooling next year for my children. Anyway it was like a balm was poured over my soul and I felt my body settle.
So I know life is intense. It just goes and goes and seemingly from one trauma and catastrophe to the next sometimes. Our spirits have to keep searching for those moments of ease. Those hours of peace. We have to look past the chaos when we can. Sometimes this life feels like a practice run for something more doesn't it? How are you doing? Is the practice run going well? Most of mine is a disaster. However I am learning. I am still growing and THAT is something. It is something wonderful.
Happy Sunday lovely ones. Have a great day.
No comments:
Post a Comment