One of my first memories is one filled with anxiety and stress. My parents were fighting about something and I was old enough to realize what was happening. I remember the awareness of everything feeling out of control, of the intensity of the emotions swirling around in the house, and of not being able to help ~ myself or them ~ and I so badly wanted to.
Something I have realized as a parent is that our children are directly affected by our emotional levels. It is like they have little antennas always in tune to us. When we are stressed, upset or emotional ~ they know it and they react. I find that often mine react the day after things have been really hard around the house. If I am not in tune with myself and my husband and not aware of how stressed we were feeling then I am often bewildered as to why the children's behavior has sky rocketed and why things are so chaotic. Dealing with anxiety is a process. It is a constant checking in not only of yourself but of everyone living in your home. How do you do that?
In yourself you can monitor your thoughts, your heart beat, and how you are reacting to those around you and situations. Sometimes you can tell just by the fact that you are not able to fall asleep easily or maybe your neck or back is slipping out.
There are always signs our body has that are uniquely ours to let us know our stress and anxiety is high. The key is to recognize them not only in us but in our children and others in our lives.
Usually children are pretty out there in their emotions and reactions and they are far from subtle. Once you recognize how your child reveals his/her anxiety it is pretty straightforward. Some children just become over the top whiney, some rage and tantrum, some bug and bully, some cry at the drop of a hat. As parents being in tune with that is sometimes really a challenge. I often find myself confused and overwhelmed wondering WHAT is going on and then it clicks and I realize I need to get in gear and start helping everyone calm. It is becoming more the norm for me I think ~ more natural that rather then rise in anxiety with them I can go to the thinking reasoning part of my brain.
When we go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn our brains sort of shut down. Our reaction is neurological. Our blood rushes to our extremities so we can do whatever we need to do to save ourselves. We cannot logically think or process ~ just react. We only use the base of our brain in those moments. We really cannot physically think. It is really REALLY important to remember (ha ha ~ when it is actually possible!) that. I explained to my son that our bodies think a lion is attacking us and we need to save ourselves somehow. I explained that even if someone is talking to us we only hear lion roars, that if someone is touching us we only feel lion claws even if this touch or the talking is kind and gentle. If our body is in chronic panic mode these reactions happen over an empty pot falling on the floor or a child having to get his teeth brushed or having to put a shirt on when they do not want to ~ basically any perceived threat. It takes a lot of work to help our bodies start realizing that many things in life are actually safe and okay. People who are 'shut down' and who have not learned to recognize their emotional states might have a hard time seeing this as an issue in their lives. Some people have full blown anxiety attacks where they feel like they are dying because their heart beats so fast and they just can't get their breath. Those attacks are terrifying. We are all so unique and different. It takes practicing self awareness and mindfulness with consistency which involves the frontal lobe of our brain rather than the base of our skull.
Anxiety can negatively affect many areas of our physical lives
Hormones
Skin
Digestion
Behavior
Asthma
Allergies
Immune System
All of these can be secondary reactions to toxic cortisol levels in our body putting strain on our organs and our body ends up doing really intense and weird things with stress at the root.
There has not been adequate levels of research done about our 'gut' ~ digestion etc ~ and how anxiety and stress affects that, but it is immense, because our 'gut' has more nerves than our central nervous system!
Our bodies are connected. We are not a society that recognizes that adequately (in my opinion) but our body is not just physical and when we are mentally affected by stress our physical body is affected. We can try to deny it but all of a sudden our neck is out, or we are gaining weight at a rapid pace, or we are reacting to foods we never have struggled with before, and the list goes on. We have this deep need for peace and rest and our body will tell us that any way it can.
Recognition is the first step ~ the key ~ then you take small steps forward towards healing and change and you choose which step to take at a time. Here are some steps you could choose to take.
Counseling ~ you need to find someone you can trust and relate to. That might not happen the first time so do not get discouraged. You might need to try a couple counselors. Counseling is talking to someone who is not 'in' your situation. They ask you questions that help you step out of your life for a moment and look at yourself from a less clouded overwhelmed light. It helps to shift things into a different perspective and bring illumination where before there was only darkness. Truth is the key to freedom and often counselors hold that key while you are the locked door. They do not tell you the truth but they hand you the key ~ you can choose to tell it to yourself and unlock and open the door ~ as a result of their insightfulness and understanding in regards to your situation.
Dietary ~ limiting foods that cause inflammation and acidity (sugar, processed foods and more...) and any foods that your body is telling you it is allergic to is very helpful. Making bone broth from animals that have not had hormones is very soothing and good for your body (you can look up how to do that online ~ it is quite simple) and drinking green tea also helps with digestion. Often dairy and gluten are a good first step to start avoiding or just having less of; but it can be anything from soy, eggs, chocolate ~ the list can be quite long. If you have an allergy brought on by stress sometimes if you can avoid it completely for a year it will clear up. Also fermented foods are helpful to add into your diet. Try to eat protein every three hours as well. It helps stabilize your blood sugar levels. Anything you can eat that will soothe your body and give it nutrition and help the flora in your gut is probably a very wise choice.
Supplements ~ Vitamin D and C, liquid Magnesium, Fish Oils, Vitamin B Complex, probiotics and more can help bring a body into a greater capacity to handle the toll of life. Make sure you are not iron deficient and if you can ~ get your hormones tested. A woman needs to go on day twenty one of her cycle in order to get an accurate test. Hormones being unbalanced can cause a lot of anxiety so it is good to rule that out right away. Chronic anxiety almost always unbalances hormones because of the strain it puts on the liver and adrenal glands.
Doctor's Prescriptions ~ There are many different anti anxiety medications that doctors will easily prescribe. I think it is important to recognize that if you go on one of these that it might be good to give yourself a certain time on them and during that time get to the root of the issue of the anxiety. Keep in mind this medication is not healing your body or getting to the root of the issues.
Boundaries ~ Something that I found made a difference in my life was putting boundaries in place around me. I had not been raised with the concept of boundaries and did not know how to say no or really respect myself and my needs. We all have needs and some of the basic ones are to respect ourselves and to feel worthy of respect. When you respect yourself others follow suite. It is hard to respect someone that has no respect for themselves. When you respect yourself you feel worthy of asking yourself questions instead of just going along blindly ~ led by others ~and seeing the truth and saying no in situations where a strong no is needed. It takes practice and let me warn you ~ people have been used to the old you ~ even if it is not a healthy happy you ~ it is the you they know. When you start changing they will probably resist but keep on and if they actually care about you they will soon see it is for the best. Quite simply ~ boundaries lower anxiety in the end.
Relationships and Mentorship ~ This is different than counseling. We need to build happy and safe feeling memories in our lives. We need to be in light and rain orchard and ocean. We need to do this with real friends. We need people that have empathy and experience, and that are a couple steps farther ahead of us in life; that can cheer us on and encourage us and that we can trust and aspire to. In this day and age the temptation is to live a fantasy life online. We can pretend to ourselves that we have friends and beauty and memories but none of them are tangible. Real joy comes in living for real and for having something to give to another. Life is not really lived if the sole focus is on yourself.
To fill our souls we must look into kind eyes, we must feel arms around us, we must experience the smell of kindness and comfort and the taste of love and soothing. We cannot get this from a computer.
In the end though, we always have to walk back in the door of ourselves. We have our own reality and our own life. Working on all these things does not take us away from our past, from the life we have now, from the problems, aches and pains and the sadness we so often are burdened with. However it can help immensely and gradually, as we come to places of deeper self awareness. We realize that we need connection that is healthy and nurturing, we need comfort that is genuine and soothing, we need happy memories built and feelings of safety to surround. We need light and refreshment. We might always first respond with a hint of anxiety but it need only be a hint. It need not be a wave that engulfs and drowns.
We need to clean and open the windows of our souls to the beautiful world that has been created just for us. It wont be as scary or overwhelming once we face truth. We need to place fresh flowers in the windows and wash out the dust and grime that has accumulated. We need to bathe in rivers of peace and grace and allow healing to flow over us. It will take time, there will be pitfalls and bad days, but as we are mindful, as we are healing, as we are looking about with an open heart we will be transformed.
I believe the created natural beauty has been specifically designed to bring us healing and peace. It is the tangible picture and reflection of our Creator's heart towards us. It is all the parts of his creativity and beauty on display. He is one that does not leave us terrified and alone but holds out an open hand towards us offering a life that gives us the opportunity to be whole. Not one person is the same and each one's story is their own, and He knows the story and he understands.
The sun of righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. All in mourning will be comforted. Let a time of restoration begin.
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