Love You LOTS!!!!

   It is late at night. My twelve year old daughter made dinner for us tonight ~ vegetarian chili (which was delicious) and then she made cinnamon buns. It was quite epic actually, and usually when she gets inspired to cook the disaster in my kitchen is astronomical and I have a heart attack and she isn't allowed to cook again for weeks. This time I went out when the cinnamon buns were rising and everyone was eating. I am now home and it looks like my family was raptured (oh, so in 'Christian' speak...taken up to heaven suddenly) and I was left behind. Not a plate cleared, cinnamon buns still in the pans (although baked) and nothing put away (but honestly a lot less mess than usual).

   However, I know my family, and I know they are all happily tucked in bed sound asleep knowing that I will come home and wash all clean and they will happily arise in the morning and partake of the cinnamon buns that, lo and behold, are not stale and dry from being left out but have been carefully put away in air tight spaces. This has nothing to do with this blog post.... but actually maybe it sort of does!

   I went out tonight with my dear friend. She drives an hour from her city I drive a little less from my town and we eat and shop and this is the second time we have done this in the last couple months. My baby is weaned, hers is old enough to go to bed without her, and we have this new freedom. It is good for my soul and I assume hers as well.

  When I drive places I pray for all my family and friends. It is just what I do. I do this mostly when I drive alone and sometimes with my children. So tonight as I had some time to drive alone ~ my friends are on my heart.

  This led to all sorts of different trains of thought as my mind is SO busy and scattered. I ended up at this as I was putting away chili and brown sugar and icing cinnamon buns.

  So many of 'us' (and I am sort of thinking moms here but lets be real...so many  people) in this world feel like we are only loved for what we have to GIVE. When we are unable to give any more, when we have been all used up, we are treated like dirt. We never really mattered anyway right? And as this happens over and over again it starts to feel like this is really true. Maybe really all we are good for is the little or a lot we can give? Our children, husbands, friends, bosses, co workers, church people, the list is endless... they take from us, they needs us, and we give. More often than not we realize that there is not a lot intentionally coming back in return. We try to brush that off but as time goes on, and we are emptied more and more, we are worn and we start to feel desperate.

  'Does anyone really see me? Does anyone actually care how little sleep I get? Does anyone really care when I was able to shower last? Does anyone really care how lonely I feel inside? Does anyone know how depressed I am? Does anyone see that I actually exist and have needs? That I am creative and have the potential for a sense of humor? Did anyone really notice how much effort I put in at work? Does anyone care how many hours I slaved to make this dinner? Anyone? Anybody? No....okay.'

And you put your head down and just keep going but a little more of your soul shrivels.

 However ~ my dear

You matter. 

And this is how I know that I know that I matter, you matter, each and every one of us matters!!!


   When you look around at the world...(if you live in some dry barren city look up the 'Planet Earth' series online or go to a local flower store please) what do you see? Do you see a tree near you or an exquisite flower? Think about what you know about a tree. It needs roots right? to stand tall and straight? It has strong bark to protect it from outward attackers and it has beautiful leaves to catch sunlight. The list goes on. This tree sends out seeds to reproduce its own. It feeds animals. Where it lives is the place it was designed to be. It thrives in the climate. In my mind this tree has been CREATED. It is not just a random accident. The flowers, grass, leaves, trees, birds, insects, color, scent and everything EVERYTHING screams DESIGN to me, INTENTION, PURPOSE, and it is stunning. The most beautiful display of splendor and art EVER.

   So when I think of the earth this way and then I look at people ~ it is the same. Even if all those around are not taking the time to really see you. If they really don't care to KNOW you, if they just want to use you...first of all I bet they are really missing out. You are a treasure! You know how I know that? Because you were put here on purpose. You were designed. You are unique and gifted. Just like your favorite beautiful flower that is so delicate, so colorful, so stunningly perfect...so are YOU!

  And the one who created you longs to tell you how much you are loved, how precious you are, how perfect, how lovely, creative and incredible. Take some time to ask and to listen to all the good that is to be said.

Maybe just let that sit in your soul for a while.

  Sometimes, maybe every day, it just has to not matter so much that the people around you don't love you like they should because..... YOU ARE LOVED. Let your Creator love you and love yourself as well. Stand strong for all you are. Hopefully earthlings will come to realize how amazing you are...but if they don't ~ well ~ poor suckers ~ they really have missed out, and we both know it!

Okay?
Love you lots!!!!
Tansy