Grow Lovely and Strong When Everything Hurts

   There are golden moments in life where everything feels wondrous. It might even be a moment where you didn't even realize how wondrous it was....until it was gone and things changed. Sometimes I feel that way when I think back to my first year of marriage. Things were far from perfect but they were golden and wondrous and we have so many happy memories. Life was romantic, flavorful, there was just enough responsibility but not too much. We could travel, feel fancy free, work at jobs that felt exciting and amazing. We were not weary.
And then...
We were.
Serious illness, loss, unknowns, it does that to you and it can happen so quickly.
Not too long ago I was standing on a beach in the rain with a dear friend and I felt happy and hopefilled and then the next day there was searing pain and loss.
We just don't know what the next moment will bring.
And that is a good thing.

  So today as I rushed headlong through it ~ just trying to keep a fussy baby with a cold feeling like he can manage his existence, trying to make meals and do school work with a seven year old who could care less about incredibly boring Math, or keeping up with a  twelve year old who's sole focus is facetiming with her friend, and as I go and go ~ doing, doing....I thought back to other times when everything hurt. I realize today the hurt is not really there. The awareness is there, the memories, but not the hurt.

  There comes a time, if you keep on going, and you keep working through it, that the hurt lessens. You realize that you've had these beautiful golden moments in life and you start to try to savor them more and more when they come. They can look different than moments in the past. You appreciate the days when nothing hurts as much or not at all. You focus in on the thankfulness, you release what you can't control, you appreciate all you can do, your gifts, and all who you are.

  I found this verse that my great grandmother had embroidered on a piece of fabric
It reads:

'Let me grow lovely, growing old.
So many old things do.
Laces and ivory and gold.
And silks need not be new.
And there is healing in old trees,
Old streets a glamour hold.
Why not I as well as they
Grow lovely, growing old.'

  All these moments in life the golden ones, the bitter cup ones, they have potential to age us well or to wizen us.

  In your pain and sadness know there are golden moments ahead. Lift your eyes, let your spirit grow as you age, look for the healing in the old trees, see the beauty in yellowed lace and brick lined streets. You can grow lovely and strong even as everything hurts.

Love Tansy