Before I had my first baby eighteen years ago I innocently thought that breastfeeding was a natural easy way to feed your new baby. When I went to a prenatal parenting class I was shocked to realize that there was a lot of technique to it and I realized that it might not be as easy as I thought it might be.
When I gave birth to my first baby it involved trauma and damage to my body. I was exhausted and weak. I remember trying to latch my baby for the first time and asking my mom what to do and she would not offer any guidance. Breastfeeding the first time around was a really awful experience. I was so tense and there was so much discomfort for both my baby and myself. I had no idea that there were such things as strong let downs or lip and tongue ties or allergies and more.
My oldest daughter has had a baby and now her friends are having them as well. I thought I would compile a list of things that may go wrong when you are nursing your baby, and ways you can look into helping both yourself and your baby through it. Nursing is very commonly challenging for the first four months or so. As the baby gets bigger and more capable things can get easier and nursing can become a very precious and bonding time for both momma and baby. Don't give up to quickly!
Sometimes if you expect things to be a challenge you are more mentally set up for the journey.
It is cute to imagine motherhood as this ethereal journey of snuggles, attachment and love. For some women this IS the case and what a gift. For many woman, like myself, motherhood is a bewildering journey full of feelings of failure and trying to figure out the next best steps to survive with lots of snuggles and love and goodness sprinkled throughout! You feel like a shadow of your former self and the nights are long and dark and you are a stinking mess.
You have to be tough to be a mom. You have to be a warrior. You have to be willing to persevere through a lot you could never have expected. It is not for the faint of heart.
Latch ~ after your baby is born the first time you nurse your baby you need to get a good latch. If the latch is not good you are going to feel pain and a lot of it. You can't just rip your baby off your breast you have to carefully unlatch with your finger by putting your finger in the corner of their mouth and breaking their latch. They suck very hard. There are ways to get a good latch and it takes practice and patience. You have to hold the babies head a certain way and your breast another way. There are many good videos on YouTube that will help you. You can also ask a friend or get a lactation consultant if you need help with this. However a good latch every time is key. It is worth taking the baby off and getting the nipple in deep enough and the latch comfortable. Take your time and be patient. Be aware too that if you have had a C section or a traumatic birth or if you do not get a lot of bonding time right after birth this can start breast feeding off on a more challenging foot. Don't despair just be aware.
Some things that can make a good latch complicated especially in the beginning are the size and shape of your nipples, the size of your breasts compared to the babies mouth and head size and more. You may have a baby with a weak tongue or weak suck.
Your baby may have a lip or tongue or cheek ties. This can be assessed by a dentist that specializes in this and I would recommend that if you have any issues with breastfeeding. I would not trust a doctor or midwife unless they are specially trained. It is worth knowing if this is an issue and getting it dealt with. If I had known about this during my first breastfeeding experience everything would have been different but it was never mentioned and every single breastfeed was quite torturous. This ended up traumatizing my baby and myself (I want to add that I did breastfeed still for almost two years despite that challenges but it was not what it could have been)
When your milk comes in you may be engorged and need to pump to soften your breasts so it is easier to latch the baby. Having rock hard breasts makes it impossible for the baby to latch. Pump enough so that you are not in any pain and so that your breast is soft enough. Keep the milk and freeze it if you can.
If you have a really strong let down you may need to let out some of the initial milk first before starting nursing the baby so the baby does not choke or gulp air. You could use a haka to catch the milk and once again freeze it.
If you can wait a few days before introducing a soother or a bottle that is great but try not to stress about this. Do what needs to be done to get nutrients into your baby. Getting that first colostrum is a gift from you to your baby so do what you can to make sure baby gets that. Even if you are going to formula feed if you can take that time to pump your colostrum and give the baby this by bottle this is such a nourishing gift to your child! The reasons that people give to wait to introduce bottle or soothers vary but use your gut and wisdom to make that call for yourself. Babies need to suck to soothe and feel safe.
Prepare yourself mentally to be sucked on a lot. This takes many women by surprise. If you can, plan to have your baby held almost constantly for the first week of their life, and then often afterwards it can really help to have a calmer more secure baby. I have planned this for my last two babies and it has made such a world of difference. Before this I felt like I was always desperate to put the baby down and have a body break and this mindset really hindered a lot of things. Check in with your thoughts and your mindset and make the changes needed to accommodate for your newborn babies needs. They were IN you they don't know themselves as separate from you for quite a few months. They need YOU and a lot of you. It can be so overwhelming at times.
For the first while when you nurse if you can do this skin to skin it can be very helpful to help the baby stay awake and to help with attachment and to help with your let down and milk supply and the list goes on.
Every single time you nurse put a nipple balm on your nipples when you are done as they can get quite raw and chafed for the first while. You should also have some sort of breast pads to keep your nipples dry between nursing sessions as you will leak milk. You can get silverettes as well that help with healing during the first chapter of nursing. Each time you nurse drink something hydrating. This is going to be so helpful. When you are in your first chapter of nursing you are ravenously hungry and thirsty all the time. It is quite the experience.
If your baby is struggling with latching due to nipple issues or the babies size you can try nipple shields that may help your baby be able to latch better. Nurses or midwives may encourage you to wait to try nipple shields but if you have flat or inverted nipples, or whatever the issue may be, babies can be weaned off nipple shields when they are a bit older so don't worry for a second about it. Do what you need to do to get them latched and you comfortable.
If you need to pump and your pump seems to not be working you may need a different flange size or to try a different pump. You also need to be relaxed enough to have a let down. You may need to put warm cloths on your breasts before pumping or have a show on you can watch so that your body can relax enough. Sometimes a hand pump is the most effective. Go somewhere where you can feel as relaxed as possible. Pumping can be quite challenging but so is recovering from labor, and taking care of a brand new baby, and all of it! All of it is quite challenging and you can do this!
Not all bottles are the same either. There are some that mimic the breast a lot more than others do. Take time to research and figure out what is best in that department and also the best position to give the baby the bottle in.
There are many different positions to nurse a baby in. When they are a new born is it worth finding a position that they can latch the best in. Also pillows can really help prop you and the baby into more relaxed position or sometimes they just get in the way. You have to figure out how to get comfortable and sometimes that takes multiple trials and errors.
A new baby may need to go to a chiropractor that specializes in new babies. They often have little bones out in their body from being squeezed through the birth canal. They may have pain while nursing because of things in their body that are out and so getting them adjusted can really help with nursing successfully. You may find a baby only really can latch on one side or something like this and this is a sign to find a good chiropractor and get them some relief.
Some soothers will help your baby gain tongue strength and some soothers will hinder it so keep that in mind. Not all soothers are created equal.
It is normal for breastfeeding to not be easy. It is normal to have some discomfort as you begin but after you latch and baby is sucking there should not be pain or clicking or cheeks sucking in. Your baby needs a deep latch and should be sucking and swallowing smoothly.
If your baby struggles with gas or 'colic' you may need to cut out dairy or other allergens. Your baby may have reflux and need to sleep propped up and take some homeopathic drops for this. Make sure to burp your baby after every feed. This is important. It may help to take some digestive enzymes before you eat and to take probiotics and give your baby probiotics as well. This has helped some of my babies quite a bit.
If you struggle with milk supply there are natural supplements you can take and lactations bars or cookies you can make that can up your supply. If you feel like your baby is not getting enough at the breast borrow or buy a scale and weight them before and after their feed. You can also pump and see how much milk you are producing and then give them a bottle of that milk to see how much they are getting. Babies who are not getting enough want to nurse constantly, are fussy, and don't gain weight.
If you struggle with getting mastitis you may need to prioritize rest and hydration a lot more than you are and do what it takes to get that. If you do get mastitis nurse a lot and put the baby in different latching positions to drain different parts of the breast, apply a heating pad to the area, sleep as much as you can, hydrate like crazy, and take epsom salts baths. Your body is telling you it is struggling. There are also supplements you can take that help prevent this like sunflower lecithin. There have been some seasons of my breastfeeding journey where I faithfully would start to get mastitis every Friday. I would be forced to rest on Saturday with heat on my chest and then Sunday I would start to recover. It was not an easy season but my body was faithful in telling me that it was desperate for rest!
All my babies have had a very hard time nursing during the first few months for various reasons. They have food sensitivities, a poorly developed digestive system, lip and tongue ties and reflux, and the list goes on. Every baby is unique and so I have to figure out what is going on with that particular baby. Your nursing journey may be so smooth and easy for one baby and so challenging for the next. Throughout your mothering journey you will always be needing to adjust and learn. This is an opportunity and a gift. Embrace it and do the work. You will survive or thrive! I have nursed each baby to well over a year old despite overwhelming challenges with each one.
You are becoming the expert for your particular baby. It is a totally new learning curve and if you are breast feeding no one else is going to be filling in. It can be bewildering and mind blowing and it is exhausting and exhilarating. Be a fighter, be brave, don't give up to easily. If you end up giving your baby formula; look at the ingredients. Think about their future long term and what you are putting in their bodies. Choose wisely. If you can't make enough milk offer the breast first and top up after with formula after so that your baby can still get those nutrients and closeness to you. It is a gift to them and to you.
Another challenging era in breastfeeding can be when they start to get teeth and bite you! This is such an excruciating part and some babies are brutal. This really depends on their age and personality. I have had some babies bite me one time and my exclamation of pain caused them so much distress they never bit me again! I had one baby get so mad at me that they refused to nurse for many hours after. I had one baby not care one bit about them causing me pain! They are often all so different. Many mothers give up during this stage and I understand why. It is really hard. However once again, you can persevere through and with training and trial and error they do stop biting. I am currently nursing an almost two year old with all her teeth and she does not bite me.
Weaning a child is also not often an easy situation. There are many reasons to wean a baby and if you are the human soother to your child this is going to be very very hard for them. To them you and you alone are the key to their comfort. You will need much patience and grace to accommodate their need but also to gently ease them into another chapter in their life. Do your research and make sure you don't damage your attachment with your child through this process. For a child who also has a soother and bottle it seems to sometimes be an easier process but not always. Think about how you can still be a safe, warm comfort to your baby without them needing your breast. I have personally chosen not to wean my babies and they nurse until they are done. This is not an easy choice but it has been something I have chosen to do. Each child has chosen very different time frames to nurse.
I wanted to add one final thing. If you cannot have a child yourself and adopt a baby did you know you can induce lactation and breast feed?! It takes some work and dedication but you do have that option if you have breasts. It may be something worth looking into. One of the main focuses with adoption needs to be attachment attachment attachment. Your baby has gone through immense trauma in losing their birth mother no matter the age. Breastfeeding your adopted baby can be a priceless gift to both you and your child.
Motherhood is not about you if you think about it. You have chosen to lay down the rest of your life for this child you have grown or been gifted if you are a healthy aware mother. Most of mothering is about choosing to do what is best for your child even if it isn't comfortable for you (with healthy boundaries and self care of course). Breastfeeding is a sacrifice. You need to eat well, get rest, hydrate, and your body is not your own. It is hard to continue to share your body after the nine months of pregnancy! When you do your research and realize all that breastfeeding does for your child you will realize it is worth it! I cannot stress enough that there is great value in laying down self and giving with kindness.
Do your best and be blessed :) Also remember that you are not supposed to do this on your own. Ask for help and support and do not feel ashamed to do so. You have so many precious precious moments coming your way on your breastfeeding journey.
Lots of love,
Tansy
xoxoxoxoxo
