When I became a mother I didn't think about a lot of things I'd signed up for. I mean I knew there would be dirty diapers but I didn't realize they'd feel endless. I knew I'd breast feed if I could but I didn't now how hard that would be. I knew I'd not sleep much but I had no clue, no clue at all, about how little I would actually sleep ~ and that is a good thing. Another random thing I never thought about was that I would have to become an event planner. I would have to plan birthday parties. Birthday parties in this day and age have become magasine worthy in decore, refreshments and entertainment. Well that is great and all but in my world, with my budjet and my children...we just have plain old fashioned birthday parties. We have some sort of homemade cake. We put up the good ol dollar store balloons and streamers in whatever colors the child wants. We dont usually have themes and if we do that usually is just said for the child's sake but it doesn't mean I do anything different :) We play pin the tail on the donkey or pig or whatever little animal my daughter draws just before the party when I remember we need a game. I try to plan calm and oranized parties because when I was little birthday parties made me literally sick with anxiety because they were so charged with energy. But who knew! Who KNEW I would need to plan birthday parties!!!!! And who knew I could? But I can. And yes they are old fashioned but my children are happy with them. They feel celebrated and loved and happy. There is one coming up next week. My five year old cowgirl is turning six. She has been waiting and waiting and WAITING for this birthday. SO we are going to celebrate on multiple days just to drag it out a bit. That means though...I must plan yet another party well two sort of. So that is what I am going to do.
Have a great afternoon
Love Tansy
Friday, 7 October 2016
Snakes and Frogs
A first lost tooth.
Salad made by my nine year old from our garden. This marked his first time doing anything in the kitchen.
Forts in the living room.
If he was outside in the back yard this summer I often found him in the garden. He loved it.
This little guy is up to all sorts of adventures every single minute he isn't asleep.
He really likes helmets and hats
I am thankful for grandma and the moments she brings quiet to our home.
We got to use our canoe this summer a couple times. The baby was enthralled and never wanted to get out of it. They went on some manly adventures together.
She has not varied from wanting to be a cow boy when she grows up for quite a while. Often she will ask if something she is doing is something a cow boy would do. I am not sure where this dream will take her but I've bought her overalls, boots, she's got the kerchief and hat....I just have not been able to procure a horse.
She was excited for school to start but I keep telling her...there is something wrong with this picture...it is the color orange.
He was trying to use my world map as a slip and slide off the mini trampoline. I would have never ever thought of that use for a world map...
This summer his big sister taught him how to fry eggs. This meant he makes breakfasts quite cheerfully for the whole family if need be...as long as it is fried eggs.
These are pictures I have taken on my little camera this summer. I was just looking through and enjoying the little moments captured. Children are so full of life. They hum and buzz and vibrate with creativity, passion, and so much energy. Our summer was simple but full. Autumn is here now and we are enjoying it to the fullest. The other day we went to the wetlands we love. The leaves are starting to turn colors on the mountains. The call of Canada Geese fill the air. The air is a bit crisper. The water looked cold and dark.
There was a field trip group when we got there and we got to see them catch a frog and the biggest tadpole I had ever seen. The sun had gone behind the clouds when we got there but my oldest son had really wanted to catch a frog. He hauled this big white bucket around the whole time and the only one we saw was the one caught by the group. He was getting really discouraged and I could see his anxiety rising. We tried to catch grasshoppers with no luck. He was getting so sad and wanted to leave filled with dejection but the sun came out so I thought maybe if we tried one more trail we'd at least see snakes. We walked along and I was looking and looking. I saw the tail end of one and he didn't see it...all of a sudden there were snakes all over the place just coming out for the sun. He caught one and got it in the bucket but it jumped right out, he caught two more and he was glowing with happiness and pride. All thoughts of frogs were vanished and the glory of the biggest snake he had ever caught prevailed. I felt that the afternoon was saved. We went home and it has been raining ever since. I am thankful for sunny Autumn days and snakes of all things.
Happy Birthday To My Sister
The leaves are starting to change into their Autumn raiment's. It is absolutely beautiful out there. I love October for many reasons.One of them is because of this day ~ October 7th ~ it is my sister's birthday. I am the oldest in our family and she is next. We are complete opposites in so many ways. Growing up she was the shining star in that she was light and energy and full of fire and I was just not quite as much. She thought up many creative fun games, she organized the dances and dress up and she chopped all her hair off while I delicately cut just a couple strands of my own. She trusted me and looked up to me. When I named my dolly a pretty sweet name and I named hers Roast Beef she went along with it completely. Today she is thirty two and this is her first birthday holding her own baby in her arms. What a special birthday. I am so proud of how far she has come in life. I am proud of all that she has accomplished. I am thankful for the family she has. She is so blessed. Happy birthday sis! I love you XO
Thursday, 6 October 2016
First Comes Love
Last night I went to the mall to get someone a gift. They are getting married in a couple weeks and there is a wedding shower for them. I went to the mall with some vague ideas in my mind of what to get them...but they are not registered anywhere and I didn't know what exactly they needed....so I wandered around and decided....I would get them some stuff to support their sex life.
Lets be honest....when you are 'in love' all you want to do with your love is be close and as close as possible. The stuff coursing through your veins every time you are with your love is heady and amazing and incomparable to a lot of the rest of life.
Ideologies and morals has changed in so many ways in the last decades and now for many it is common to sleep with another someone or many someones before you get married. Usually though when you get married it is still quite traditional to share your body with that one person only. In my family we teach our children to save their bodies for that one person. There are so.many.reasons.why!!!! I feel strongly about this. I think more and more this intimacy is being stomped on and abused and children are being fed lies that being experienced is best that sharing their bodies with others is okay. I just do not agree at all...I think that sex is the most intimacy you can ever experience with a person. I think that when you have sex with someone your soul joins with theirs in that moment whether you want it to or not. You are one with that person physically and something is created that has to broken by choice. A piece of yourself is with that person.
I say this because I remember back to dating...that first comes love... When I did date I was careful with my body. When I was engaged I'm sorry but to be honest I loved to make out with my now husband. It was great. I wanted to do that all the time but we saved sex for our wedding night and I am glad we did. I don't regret that for a moment.
Fast forward to now..the then comes marriage...yup that happened but then...then comes a baby in the baby carriage and in our case four babies...and love becomes a very big choice and intimacy also becomes a choice because as a mom and wife your body is pulled in so many directions. That time of dating and young love is so precious and lovely to look back on.
Why say all this....because I was thinking about....
Foundations.
Foundations in so many areas of marriage is vital but the foundation you have in your sex life with your partner can be one of the most important of all because it will be a big part of the glue that holds your relationship together. Sex is worth working on and investing into because staying intimate is vital.
So instead of cute bowls or cups or towels (that are also very important) I got them a really great book on sex in case there is anything they need to know. I also got them a book on the Five Love Languages because that is also really helpful...the more loved, appreciated and known you feel the more available you are to intimacy right? I got some really pretty lingerie for the bride cause most of the time those little details count. Thought I'd share those thoughts with myself for the future to remind myself and so they are here for you as well.
Have a happy Thanksgiving weekend :)
Love Tansy
Lets be honest....when you are 'in love' all you want to do with your love is be close and as close as possible. The stuff coursing through your veins every time you are with your love is heady and amazing and incomparable to a lot of the rest of life.
Ideologies and morals has changed in so many ways in the last decades and now for many it is common to sleep with another someone or many someones before you get married. Usually though when you get married it is still quite traditional to share your body with that one person only. In my family we teach our children to save their bodies for that one person. There are so.many.reasons.why!!!! I feel strongly about this. I think more and more this intimacy is being stomped on and abused and children are being fed lies that being experienced is best that sharing their bodies with others is okay. I just do not agree at all...I think that sex is the most intimacy you can ever experience with a person. I think that when you have sex with someone your soul joins with theirs in that moment whether you want it to or not. You are one with that person physically and something is created that has to broken by choice. A piece of yourself is with that person.
I say this because I remember back to dating...that first comes love... When I did date I was careful with my body. When I was engaged I'm sorry but to be honest I loved to make out with my now husband. It was great. I wanted to do that all the time but we saved sex for our wedding night and I am glad we did. I don't regret that for a moment.
Fast forward to now..the then comes marriage...yup that happened but then...then comes a baby in the baby carriage and in our case four babies...and love becomes a very big choice and intimacy also becomes a choice because as a mom and wife your body is pulled in so many directions. That time of dating and young love is so precious and lovely to look back on.
Why say all this....because I was thinking about....
Foundations.
Foundations in so many areas of marriage is vital but the foundation you have in your sex life with your partner can be one of the most important of all because it will be a big part of the glue that holds your relationship together. Sex is worth working on and investing into because staying intimate is vital.
So instead of cute bowls or cups or towels (that are also very important) I got them a really great book on sex in case there is anything they need to know. I also got them a book on the Five Love Languages because that is also really helpful...the more loved, appreciated and known you feel the more available you are to intimacy right? I got some really pretty lingerie for the bride cause most of the time those little details count. Thought I'd share those thoughts with myself for the future to remind myself and so they are here for you as well.
Have a happy Thanksgiving weekend :)
Love Tansy
Wednesday, 28 September 2016
For Naomi and Others
Excerpts from the book ~ Poetry For Young People
' Why did she write? We may never know for certain. But we do know this; Emily Dickinson chose to spend day after day in the same house, doing the same things - ordinary seemingly unimportant things - for she seemed to know that there are wonderful possibilities in the most ordinary life if we just take notice.'
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard,
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chilliest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Emily Dickinson
I'm nobody? Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us - don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
Emily Dickinson
I was picking up a whole batch of books that my baby had thrown on the floor and proclaimed a 'boat'. It was dreary. I picked up this book and opened it up and read about Emily Dickinson and started to tear up. She spent most of her life at home and a lot of time in her bedroom. She was shy and unrecognized. She wrote over 1,700 poems but only six of them were published while she was alive. Not many people appreciated her poems while she was alive and she died at the age of fifty five. She never married as her heart was broken at a young age. Why did I tear up? I think because I spend a lot of time in my house. I feel unimportant and unseen. Yet it is another reminder that it all comes down to choice and taking notice of the extraordinary that dwells so beautifully in the every day that is my life. Today my extraordinary was this...I used up all my apples to make an apple crisp for a friend. I was going to stop on my way home to buy some more but all the power was out in town and stores were not really operational. I had also been wishing for weeks that I knew someone with an apple tree that wanted to share. I got home and transferred the baby to his bed and was feeding the other children some salmon. There was a hard abrupt knock on my door. I went to the door and our neighbor who is a rough, crusty, foul mouthed man was standing there with a massive bag of apples. I had talked to him yesterday when a tow truck was parked in front of my driveway and I waited and waited for it. He came out to yell at me and tell me to go around. I gently told him I needed to get in my driveway. He then said he was my neighbor which I said yes I knew (obviously :). He then went and told the tow truck driver to move. We had not talked before my neighbor and I.
This bag of apples ~ It is so heavy I can barely lift it. He had brought apples back from Keremeos ~ organic, fresh and beautiful and had decided to give me some today. How was he to have any idea I had been wishing for those? That I had just come home sad about apples of all things. He blessed me so much and I am still tearing up just writing about it. Keep keeping on. Dont give up hoping and dont forget how lovely you are.
Take heart and be blessed
Love Tansy
' Why did she write? We may never know for certain. But we do know this; Emily Dickinson chose to spend day after day in the same house, doing the same things - ordinary seemingly unimportant things - for she seemed to know that there are wonderful possibilities in the most ordinary life if we just take notice.'
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard,
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chilliest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Emily Dickinson
I'm nobody? Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us - don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
Emily Dickinson
I was picking up a whole batch of books that my baby had thrown on the floor and proclaimed a 'boat'. It was dreary. I picked up this book and opened it up and read about Emily Dickinson and started to tear up. She spent most of her life at home and a lot of time in her bedroom. She was shy and unrecognized. She wrote over 1,700 poems but only six of them were published while she was alive. Not many people appreciated her poems while she was alive and she died at the age of fifty five. She never married as her heart was broken at a young age. Why did I tear up? I think because I spend a lot of time in my house. I feel unimportant and unseen. Yet it is another reminder that it all comes down to choice and taking notice of the extraordinary that dwells so beautifully in the every day that is my life. Today my extraordinary was this...I used up all my apples to make an apple crisp for a friend. I was going to stop on my way home to buy some more but all the power was out in town and stores were not really operational. I had also been wishing for weeks that I knew someone with an apple tree that wanted to share. I got home and transferred the baby to his bed and was feeding the other children some salmon. There was a hard abrupt knock on my door. I went to the door and our neighbor who is a rough, crusty, foul mouthed man was standing there with a massive bag of apples. I had talked to him yesterday when a tow truck was parked in front of my driveway and I waited and waited for it. He came out to yell at me and tell me to go around. I gently told him I needed to get in my driveway. He then said he was my neighbor which I said yes I knew (obviously :). He then went and told the tow truck driver to move. We had not talked before my neighbor and I.
This bag of apples ~ It is so heavy I can barely lift it. He had brought apples back from Keremeos ~ organic, fresh and beautiful and had decided to give me some today. How was he to have any idea I had been wishing for those? That I had just come home sad about apples of all things. He blessed me so much and I am still tearing up just writing about it. Keep keeping on. Dont give up hoping and dont forget how lovely you are.
Take heart and be blessed
Love Tansy
Monday, 26 September 2016
To My Friends ~ Our Thirties ~
I dont have many consistent readers. However people from all over the world stumble into this little corner all through the week and I want to say ~ welcome ~
Thank you for coming here :)
Today I wish someone would call me and encourage me or someone would write me and encourage me and that is just the truth. I don't feel well. My children are children. That means they are messy, selfish, often thoughtless and lazy. They are also sweet, encouraging and giving. However this week their messy selfish sides have affected me a lot because I haven't been feeling all that well. Now that I am on week five with my husband being gone I am quite worn out. I feel like laundry and dishes and cooking (and honestly today it feels like drudgery) every single day is so maddening AND I look at my self in the mirror and I see that I am ageing. Sometimes that doesn't bother me at all, not one bit and other days I just dont want to see that. So today I thought what can I do? My house is a mess. I am on the verge of tears and my body feels so heavy and tired. The children are full of their usual energy which is happy; but I was thinking about all of YOU out there. I can't do much to change how I feel today but I am not alone in how I feel. I am not the only one. I think about my friends around the world. Some of you are pregnant and feeling ill and tired, some of you are feeling abandoned and oh so sad, some of you are sick and wishing just wishing for some one to really see your heart and see your worth and help you! Some of you have young babies, some of you are navigating marriage troubles. Some of you are working out of the home and some in and some both. Some of you are doing well and are so happy! We are in our thirties now most of us and we are worn with the cares that this stage of adult life brings and we just want someone to see us. Oh we have our glorious days but sometimes they are few and far between because there is much required of us. We were not prepared for all this because no one could prepare us.
We are often alone in our little worlds. We hope the sun shines so that the world is light. We hope to get a good sleep so we can face the day with just a bit more grace. We hope to feel connected to some person at some point in the day. We hope to give some light to someone else. We hope we can give out of our emptiness and we long to have more to give. We long to feel safe and loved and known.
So here we are in all our places and spaces and we are what we are.
And really we are amazing. Think about all you accomplish from the time you get out of bed till you go to it again. Are you growing a baby right now? Are you homeschooling? Are you nursing a baby? Are you working out of your home? Are you in school? Are you cooking, cleaning, running a household and mothering? Are you working on reconciliation? All these things we are doing every day is enough and it is good! It blows me away all the things my friends are accomplishing. I am so proud of you all!
I will be thinking of you and praying for you as I go and wash endless dishes, as I take out the stinking garbage and pick up toys. I will be loving you and hoping for hope for you and wishing for the best for you as I am here in my space and you are in yours.
Love to you
Tansy
Thank you for coming here :)
Today I wish someone would call me and encourage me or someone would write me and encourage me and that is just the truth. I don't feel well. My children are children. That means they are messy, selfish, often thoughtless and lazy. They are also sweet, encouraging and giving. However this week their messy selfish sides have affected me a lot because I haven't been feeling all that well. Now that I am on week five with my husband being gone I am quite worn out. I feel like laundry and dishes and cooking (and honestly today it feels like drudgery) every single day is so maddening AND I look at my self in the mirror and I see that I am ageing. Sometimes that doesn't bother me at all, not one bit and other days I just dont want to see that. So today I thought what can I do? My house is a mess. I am on the verge of tears and my body feels so heavy and tired. The children are full of their usual energy which is happy; but I was thinking about all of YOU out there. I can't do much to change how I feel today but I am not alone in how I feel. I am not the only one. I think about my friends around the world. Some of you are pregnant and feeling ill and tired, some of you are feeling abandoned and oh so sad, some of you are sick and wishing just wishing for some one to really see your heart and see your worth and help you! Some of you have young babies, some of you are navigating marriage troubles. Some of you are working out of the home and some in and some both. Some of you are doing well and are so happy! We are in our thirties now most of us and we are worn with the cares that this stage of adult life brings and we just want someone to see us. Oh we have our glorious days but sometimes they are few and far between because there is much required of us. We were not prepared for all this because no one could prepare us.
We are often alone in our little worlds. We hope the sun shines so that the world is light. We hope to get a good sleep so we can face the day with just a bit more grace. We hope to feel connected to some person at some point in the day. We hope to give some light to someone else. We hope we can give out of our emptiness and we long to have more to give. We long to feel safe and loved and known.
So here we are in all our places and spaces and we are what we are.
And really we are amazing. Think about all you accomplish from the time you get out of bed till you go to it again. Are you growing a baby right now? Are you homeschooling? Are you nursing a baby? Are you working out of your home? Are you in school? Are you cooking, cleaning, running a household and mothering? Are you working on reconciliation? All these things we are doing every day is enough and it is good! It blows me away all the things my friends are accomplishing. I am so proud of you all!
I will be thinking of you and praying for you as I go and wash endless dishes, as I take out the stinking garbage and pick up toys. I will be loving you and hoping for hope for you and wishing for the best for you as I am here in my space and you are in yours.
Love to you
Tansy
Saturday, 24 September 2016
First Saturday of Fall!
My hormones are killin it right now. Like if they were on a vendetta to take over my life they would be winning and I would be crumpled on the ground white flag held up in surrender asking for mercy. Okay maybe that is what I am doing right now for real because I think they ARE on a vendetta against me. My theories and negotiations with myself so I can keep sane are...'well maybe they are so bad because I am still nursing but I am not nursing much.' 'Maybe it is because the seasons are changing (I am grasping at straws but I am desperate).' 'Maybe it is because I am doing a totally different diet and am burning some fat and killing off candida? This would mean my liver is overloaded and so my hormones are screwed.'
Whatever the case may be I am feeling prreetty cruddy and there is nothing I want more than to just go and hang out with a friend. Someone who gets this, who really gets it. I want to eat good food, maybe try to forget how much work there is to do every day to keep up, and feel somewhat care free just for a couple hours.
My husband is home today. He came home from his two week course after doing an exam for six hours and before he came home he found out he passed. Now I am not sure of this but I think that he probably got the highest mark on this test that he has ever gotten in his entire life because he got an A. I am SO proud of him (and so relieved because he really had to have this course passed for his new job)!!!! So he is home and he is taking all the children swimming. Is he a hero? I would say yes.
The other thing I thought of today that would help me feel like life was worth living...was doing a bit of work outside to my house. I have not done gardening for months. I want to add a bit of color to my front porch and it isn't much but I thought it would help me through. So my husband decided that was a great plan and he is going to help me...
Why blog this? It is real life, the reality. Hormones really are intense. I am trying to fight through it and be somewhat calm and not totally crazy, emotional, and irrational....Writing helps me process and helps me hold on for another day.
I hope you have a good weekend. The first Saturday of Fall :) Live it up!! We have lots to look forwards to ~ minus the hormones. xo
Whatever the case may be I am feeling prreetty cruddy and there is nothing I want more than to just go and hang out with a friend. Someone who gets this, who really gets it. I want to eat good food, maybe try to forget how much work there is to do every day to keep up, and feel somewhat care free just for a couple hours.
My husband is home today. He came home from his two week course after doing an exam for six hours and before he came home he found out he passed. Now I am not sure of this but I think that he probably got the highest mark on this test that he has ever gotten in his entire life because he got an A. I am SO proud of him (and so relieved because he really had to have this course passed for his new job)!!!! So he is home and he is taking all the children swimming. Is he a hero? I would say yes.
The other thing I thought of today that would help me feel like life was worth living...was doing a bit of work outside to my house. I have not done gardening for months. I want to add a bit of color to my front porch and it isn't much but I thought it would help me through. So my husband decided that was a great plan and he is going to help me...
Why blog this? It is real life, the reality. Hormones really are intense. I am trying to fight through it and be somewhat calm and not totally crazy, emotional, and irrational....Writing helps me process and helps me hold on for another day.
I hope you have a good weekend. The first Saturday of Fall :) Live it up!! We have lots to look forwards to ~ minus the hormones. xo
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