Shut the Back Door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I have successfully called out in a very sweet voice, 'Close the back door' about five hundred and forty three times. I wouldn't mind the door open if, IF, I didn't have an  air conditioner keeping the furnace I like to call home, liveable. My children do not close doors. So that also applies to the bathroom. The baby who is not even hit the age of one yet has figured out how to turn off the washing machine, turn off the computer, unplug the computer, yell MAMA with a lot of rage or demanding in his voice, empty cupboards, empty drawers, stick his finger into the fan blades, hurtle himself down the stairs, climb on the coffee table, and many other things that keep me running to keep him alive. So the bathroom door and the sliding glass door HAVE to stay closed. The baby has already had a compromising and somewhat traumatizing incident that involved the toilet and he has now turned off and therefore drained the washer (that presides in my one lone bathroom) in mid cycle many times. He also could hurdle himself down the back steps to pavement below.
 It's the doors that are driving me insane though. Now I have managed to never swear in front of my children except that one time one of them slammed the others hand in the sliding door of the van and the hand was still in the door. I screamed a swear word and hurdled myself through the van or around the van I cant remember, to save the child. So I officially was not able to follow in my parents' footsteps as they can go on record as never once swearing in front of me. Shoot right? They were so noble!! Well what's done is done. However, I really REALLY am wanting to start saying something a little more emphatic then, 'Please shut the door,' or, 'PLEASE shut the back door', or 'SHUT THE BACK DOOR.' You understand right? I am not alone in this summer angst. Summer cant last forever and I am really REALLY enjoying it this year. Since I was so pregnant and helpless last summer I am not taking a moment of freedom forgranted. However the doors are starting to drive me mad. Please note I have also refrained from swearing here in this post. I am hoping I can keep this a lady like language zone. We'll see how it goes. I am thinking though of slurring the word DOOR just a bit..or stuttering on the D when I call (not yell of course), 'Shut the back ddddoor', for the five hundred and fourty fourth time. It might, MIGHT make me feel a little better. If you don't understand why slurring the d might make me feel better, its better for your mind anyway, and bless your innocence. I was once like you.