The Joys and Woes of Breastfeeding

Let me just start by saying when I had my first breast fed baby I had no clue what I was in for. I honestly thought that when the baby came out you just stuck them on and away they would go. When I went to a prenatal class (and thank the good Lord I did) I realized it was an art form and that you had to actually 'latch' properly and break the latch properly and there were all these weird holds and all these issues that could arise! I was slightly horrified and thankful that I had at least a hint of what I needed to prepare for. I remember the teacher asked the class what breast feeding was and one of the dad's said..'baby food in a really hot package'..I also remember the teacher holding a croched breast and showing us how to hold and latch etc...my mind was blown. Seriously I had NO IDEA!!!!
 Fast forward to the birth of my second born (my first born is adopted and sadly I did not breast feed her as I had no idea that I could...but you can breast feed an adopted child if you so choose!!! So awesome!!). I had a pretty typical first labor, tore horribly, was quite sick with a bad sinus infection during labor, and when he came out I was so exhausted after the hours of pushing; I dont even remember holding him. I vaguely remember that he came out and they told me he was a boy.... after the doctor apologized for my tearing...and after they cleaned him up I think he was wrapped in blankets and passed to my husband or mother in law or whoever had just come to the hospital. It was quite a while after he was born that I realized I was supposed to feed him at some point. It was just before the hospitals really started encouraging skin on skin and so I had not even had that with him. My mom had had time to come to the hospital as well as probably about thirty other people before I tried to feed him. I know now how awful that was for him but had no clue then. I remember I was actually too weak to hold him and nurse him and so I had to prop myself up with pillows. I had no clue what to do and no one to help me. He eventually latched on and nursed a bit. Needless to say our nursing journey was not the smoothest.
 I remember when my milk came in the first time. I thought I had the flue. It was horrendous. My sister in law saved the day and brought me a pump and that got me through, but if she hadn't come at the right moment I dont know what I would have done because I just had no clue what to do! My first baby nursed for about sixteen months and then he weaned himself. I had too strong of  a let down and so nursing always involved choking and gagging and crying and air gulping. It was portrayed as so relaxing and nurturing. I just usually cried. However I remember this one moment where I sat and told him a story while I nursed him. He was tiny and I tried so hard to just relax. I told him all about growing up on the farm and that one moment stands out to me so clearly. It is so important to be able to relax and be as comfortable as you can when you nurse. I, once again, did not know that. I know probably for most people this would seem a given. Ya, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I eventually started watching seasons of shows during the long hours of the night and honestly that was my saving grace. I looked forward to what was going to happen next on the show and it helped keep me sane.
Okay also, just a little aside ~ but one of the WEIRDEST things about breast feeding is how all of a sudden your breasts are sort of exposed a majority of the time. Your whole life you've had to cover those suckers up, and when you have your first baby you feel uncomfortable and try to be all modest (at least in my case, although not in some others!) but eventually you realize, what the hell! Its so hard to cover up all the time, its hot and uncomfortable and you realize that it IS natural and you also start feeling like everyone else who is uncomfortable is going to just have to suck it up!!!! I just think its funny. Another funny thing is after your baby has weaned and the day comes when they reach for your breast  for whatever reason, mostly because its what they have always done, and you sort of slap their hand away or say no. The shocked look you get! Their whole life they've had free access and then one day you dont even think about it but you take them back!!!!!  ANYHOO....
My next baby was a totally different story. I had a midwife, bless her, and she was an angel. So my labor was so much better and as soon as my daughter was born we did skin to skin and when my midwife told me to nurse her I did. I remember that she latched on like a pro. I think the fact that she came out and just was able to latch right on made such a difference.She just curled up like the tiny little peanut she was and she put her little hand up to her cheek and nursed for about an hour. I just kept commenting in shock about it and my midwife was sort of looking at me like I should realize how normal it was! Our nursing experience was a lot better although I got mastitis a lot. I was very tired and I feel like once I got it it just kept coming. She nursed a bit longer then my first baby but once again weaned herself before the age of two.
I am now nursing for the third time. My baby is eleven months old and is such a gem. I had him at home and he was able to be born and nurse right away. He was colicky and gassy in the first six months of life but we made it through. Nursing him is going fine right now. I am curious to see how long he will want to nurse for. He still nurses many times day and night. I am still his everything and nursing makes his whole life worth living.
When I am nursing I am constantly starving...like ravenous....like I could eat three hamburgers  and all the fries available a day. However I am cooking for four other people and so I dont actually eat much at all, because by the time I have fed them all I am so tired I want to just lie down. I eat scraps usually it feels like. Then at night I try to get all the calories in me possible to get through the night and next day. That is lame but it is life. I therefore dont lose any weight and I eat a lot of carbs. It isn't the best but its what I do.
When I am nursing I feel like a milk cow. No joke. It is basically eat, drink enough, and eat more, drink more and rest as much as you can.
When I am nursing thrush is something I just become used to.
When I am nursing being bitten is something I just muscle through and bleeding or cracking, wanting to scream every time I latch on....been there....it is amazing what nursing mothers go through
When I am nursing I have found that finding a good nursing bra is not so easy. First of all going shopping for a bra on a good day with no childen isn't all that easy but try going with a colicky new born, fidgety four year old, anxious eight year old and ever helpful ten year old. Its crazy.
When I am nursing I find every baby is so different in every way. My youngest had a significant lip and tongue tie, my oldest has major food sensitivites, my middle one never slept unless she was on me.
I nurse my babies on demand and so usually that means you dont really leave baby ever, for more than an hour to two for at least the first year of life.
These are challenges of nursing for me..and there are more
However, these are the benefits
First and foremost I think there is something, SOMETHING, to be said about you growing the baby inside you and then you nourishing and growing the baby OUTSIDE of you. Your milk is your babies life. Your love is what brings your baby to life emotionally and spiritually and your milk is what nourishes them physically. It is mind blowing what you are accomplishing when you stick it out and nurse your baby. Every pound they gain is from YOU. It establishes a connection with your baby that no one else has. When a baby is bottle fed anyone can feed him/her. Also the baby starts to hold their own bottle early on and so its so easy to put them down when they are drinking instead of snuggling them close. It is such a different experience for them. Breast feeding is a whole different ball game. It is a game changer. I think that if you cant produce enough milk and have to supplement with formula dont sweat it ~ but use the method where your baby still latches on to you but there is a tube that attaches and the baby drinks formula from you...I think it would be so worth the hassle and sacrifice. I really do.
When nursing I also think because you are giving so much of yourself it is so important to remember you are more than milk filled boobs. You are more than a milk machine, and yet you are not. Find that place where you take care of you and yet where you embrace the sacrifice.
After the first couple months of nursing hell...I'm sorry its probably not for lots of mom's but I find sitting and nursing for hours does not agree with me all that well....nursing becomes pretty awesome.
First of all your baby takes WAY less time to nurse then they did when they are tiny, and they love it. Also they start doing super cute things to ask to nurse (when they cant talk) and when they are nursing they usually like to play with your hair, or my little one likes to put his foot on my shoulder, or my oldest used to nestle his hand just in the neck line of my shirt. While you nurse you make eye contact, you sing and smile and it really is a beautiful, precious, incredible way to be. And if they are hurt or fussy or ANYTHING...just latch them on and life gets so much better for everyone.
Breastfeeding is so significant to the picture of  what motherhood really is. It promotes everything beautiful in mothering. The attachment, closeness, warmth, nourishment, health and the pain and sacrifice ~ I hope to keep nursing this little one for a long time yet. I dont look forward AT ALL to many more nights of nursing and nursing and no sleep, but at the same time I do. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm all in. I am totally committed. Its so intense but so worth it. Now to go find some food. It's late and the baby is actually sleeping for a second and I am starving!!!!!!