And You Are Eleven

   When I was very young I heard about a girl that was going to Africa to work with orphans. Something caught at my heart strings and I worked hard to raise thirty dollars that she could take to help them. I remember how good I felt deep inside that I had accomplished this. I thought thirty dollars with so much money. This also was the first time I remember thinking about orphans, which led me to think about adoption. All through my growing up years I felt a peace and a desire to adopt a child or children when I was able. When I got married I knew my husband also was fine with that concept. We had not really thought about when we would adopt and I dont think we thought we would adopt as quickly as we did. Tomorrow my oldest daughter turns eleven and she is our adopted one. Tonight I took her out to get her long hair cut into a cute bob. We had a really happy and special time together. It was monumental for her and I in our relationship. We have come so far.
  Our journey to adoption was not easy. I don't think ANY journey to adoption every is. We lost a baby and I subsequently got cancer from the miscarriage. I went through seven rounds of chemotherapy and then was told I might never be able to have children as a result. My husband and I were devastated on a lot of levels from this as it happened around our one year wedding anniversary and we had not had much time to build a foundation of strength and trust. However as a result of all this we decided to become foster parents because we were doing a lot of respite for foster families and we wanted to keep our options open. Take Note: If you are wanting to adopt through the Ministry of Children and Family becoming foster parents first is a good idea. So we took the courses and became foster parents. We were not thinking of adoption at all. During this time we were doing respite for a young girl who was pregnant and then also after she had the baby. Through a whole series of events we ended up being asked by her to adopt her precious daughter. It took a lot of time, a lot of tears, a lot of faith and stress....but she became ours. We fostered her first while the adoption process was happening. We had an open adoption and so the birth mother and birth family were heavily involved in the first couple years. It was so hard for me to feel like she was really my daughter as her heart was so pulled in so many directions. I usually bore the brunt of her stress and pain. Our connection, or lack of, went on for a long time. Eventually though as time wore on I started to learn more about attachment. I started to understand how to bring about connection.
  Tonight as my daughter (who moved in with us when she was a year and a half) busily makes cupcakes for her party tomorrow and entertains our little fifteen month old, and I type ~ I am overwhelmed by it all. By all the blessing. Adoption is so so so so so hard. It is heart breaking and such a journey and yet it is one of the greatest gifts of all. A child gifted to your heart ~ Our family has come so far and I am ever grateful. Happy birthday my love. You are a treasure.