To You

  I hear about you and I see you on the street. You are running ~ there is nothing to you but bones and skin. I wonder how you can run you must be so weak. And yet you must be so incredibly strong. To starve yourself and work yourself...literally to the bone. Iron in your will power. I see you too, the one that has pillowed herself in layers and layers and who feels like nothing fits you, and how did this happen, and you want to feel free ~ to float and yet you feel like an anchor.
I see you ~ your eyes are empty and haunted; or you with eyes like fire; or you with eyes that are only embers; and you with darkness like a shroud; it emanates off you and I shiver at the black. And you! I see you always laughing and laughing and others laugh to, with you, but I know that sometimes, some days, you just want to be able to put that down and be sad, and tired, and to  let someone really in.
I see you ~ the angry one ~ you thought you knew who you were, and who you were going to always be. You thought you had it figured out, and you thought you were loved....but it all fell down. Your castle ~ you were the princess weren't you, and you thought you'd be queen? However the power had been given to a prince who turned out to be not so princely. Here you are ~ the castle crumbled, your princess robes torn and ragged and you are shattered. It's a lashing out in whatever way, shape or form, a crying desperately for someone to see deep down who you really are. Its a cry to be accepted and rejoiced over in exactly who you are ~ so you can stop the needing to control or manipulate or hurt or whatever it is that you are doing just to get by every day. It is the wanting to feel like you are enough and you always have been ~ that you are the apple of someone's eye ~ that you are someone's sunshine no matter what you do. That your beauty outshines every single other one in some precious way. That in your anger, darkness, pain, in your darkest hour...who you are has not been completely lost and that someone has not forgotten you.
Yet it seems like there is a force at work to try to strip that from you. Yes, there are some who really are princesses. They are loved so dearly and so preciously that your heart burns every time you see them. You love that they are loved, you feel glad for them, or you hate them...but you think ~ every.single.time...why not me? What is wrong with me? Why did I have to go through THAT? Why did this happen? Abandonment, rejection, manipulation, it all has us wounded. Each one ~ each one of us had to get through somehow. How did we cope We strive for perfection in life. We do our best at EVERYTHING and we do well. We grasp wildly for control and control all around us with an iron fist, or we lash out and hurt ourselves in all sorts of ways or we hurt others or we give up. It is a viscous dance that we do.
 So I see you out there. I see you walking pushing your baby in a stroller, I see you biking, I see you in the grocery store, I see you walking wounded, or walking proud, or walking ~ just walking. I see you sometimes crying, heaving with sobs while you drive or I see you screaming in rage, I see you shivering in the rain and in you ~ in you all ~ I see a piece of myself. I wish I could scoop you up. I wish I could take you back to before. I wish you never had to feel alone, or that time when you were so terrified you couldn't breathe, I wish that never had to happen. I wish when you were hit, or hungry, just all those moments that have brought you to now...I wish they never had to be.
This is the thing though ~ they did happen. Here you are now. It is now. We each have our story to tell. We each have our scars, our bruises, our souls that show through our eyes. We are us. Each one of us is beautiful, stunning, miraculous and precious. We have to go back and find that in us again. We have to know that it is there. The journey is long, it is exhausting, it is fraught with all that has been, but truth needs to be told. Truth sets us free. Bringing darkness to light ~ it sets us free.  Honestly ~ you are amazing just the way you are. Whatever is hurting, whatever is holding you down, whatever has scarred you ~ consider getting some healing, some help, consider letting it go. Often we hold onto our hurts because it is who we really feel we are. It has become our identity. Do we really want to let that go now?  It will be the hardest thing we have ever done, but I think we do in the deepest part of us know that letting it go will be eventually okay and I think we must.
You need to find out once and for all that
Honestly ~ you are amazing just the way you are.
If you feel like no one has ever told you that
Well someone just did
And I love ya
xo