The Eve of a New Year

    A full year. It is New Years Eve. My husband and oldest are out at a party. I just couldn't go this year. I am too tired. It's a good tired though. I am realizing that more and more (I hope). I am tired! But its not tired because I am ill, its not tired because I hate my job or I am depressed. It is tired because I have a little one year old boy who loves to nurse all night. It is tired because I have a little five year old who loves to stay up late and chat and chat and clean until eleven at night. It is tired because there are four children and a man who need me to help them live their best life and so it is a really REALLY good tired. I so often resent feeling this tired, this drained, this empty. But it is also a good empty. I have many to pour into and I have lot that pours into me if I so choose to let it.
  I love to make little 'resolutions' or 'goals' for the year. I categorize them into 'marriage' 'personal'  'family' 'financial' and 'spiritual' and every year it seems to simplify more and more. This year I dont know if I am even going to attempt any goals. My mind swirls with things I would like to see happen and I would like to work towards but honestly do I have the strength? Not right now anyway. 2016 will be another very full year. I will be mothering with all I have and I will be trying to be the best wife I can be in that and the best sister and friend and daughter and through it all trying to keep a sense of myself close enough to take up when I can.
  I wish you a happy New Year. I hope you can greet this New Year with a sense of hope and a sense of purpose. I hope that it will be a kind year to you and that many beautiful uplifting moments will fill you with joy. I hope you will not feel alone and that you will feel loved. I hope that for us all.

I will end this year with a passage from the Bible that was my grandmother's favorite and is also one of mine. I think of it often.


Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

I welcome this New Year feeling both incredibly empty (of energy and inspiration etc) but also incredibly full (of love and hope and a spirit to keep on). xo