Can't I Just Make The Most of Now

   I have this picture in my minds eye of my grandma lying in bed. She was dying and my grandpa is sitting beside her holding her hand. He is bent and his eyes are closed and her eyes are closed and the picture is so so sad. I think to the moment she caught his eye in that canteen in Winnipeg when World War Two was on. She was tall and had dark curly hair and blue eyes and incredible skin. He was tall and in a uniform and it was love at first sight. All these years they had been together side by side. They had raised children and gone through their valleys and their heart break and their happy times too and yet as with life as always their partnership was coming to a close. How intense is this life we live and what are we focused on as we go through it? Are we not usually focused on ourselves?
   I feel like so often we don't realize that there isn't forever. There might be lots of years yet but they will fly by! It is so easy to focus on exterior things, on things that seem really big and really overwhelming but things that will pass, things that will fade. I will forget this sooner than soon because that is how I am but I write it so I can look back and be reminded.
   Can't I just make the most of now? Can't I just enjoy my sweet two year old and how he dances down the hall pretending to be a monkey just because? Or how he ADORES his big brother. Can't I just treasure my five year old and how she pronounces so many words wrong because they are so big! And her giggle! It is so precious. Then my nine year old. His rapture over starting a worm farm is seriously the more sweetest thing ever. His joy over saving them scraps of food, his tender affection for these little worms.... His cup has been overflowing....over worms. And today my eleven year old ~ She had come up with this crazy idea to throw a lunch for all the teachers in her school and it was sort of ridiculous but in the end it happened and I got to be there while her group was getting everything set up. They were so happy and so so proud of this moment. They took such care in arranging the cheese and how the knives and forks were placed and they had to stay and watch everyone eat because it brought them such joy that they were a part of this giving. I wish I could explain it better but it wasn't complicated. It was just them having this chance to serve and give and in some ways it was like they were little again.
   I have lost so much time being tired. My hormones have  taken such a tole on me. I grieve this! I have to. It was so hard.  I am so grateful that right now I have this chance to enjoy these moments because I can see them for what they are. When I am old I want to have enjoyed the precious moments as often as I could. I want to have rejoiced with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. I want to have given so much of myself and I want to see into my children's hearts and love the light shining from their eyes. I feel like I am not even able to articulate what I am trying to say but hopefully when I read this in later years...I will know what I mean and I will feel like I have done what I hoped to do. xo