Anger

    Getting Angry. I have lived a life where I often felt anger burning. It came from others around me and then it also was deep inside of me. Anger is a first 'reaction' to something deeper being felt and it is meant to bring about change. It is meant to start a process that goes much deeper. However in my life I was often stuck on anger and didn't know how to go deeper. I saw people that had shut down so much that they didn't show any emotion at all and never reacted to anything (which I thought was the good way to react) and then also people that were in such an intense reactionary state that they were scary in their anger reaction and really, both types of people were scary. I know now that I was not modeled a healthy way to process, to work through my first reactions. It is no excuse now as I am an adult but it is good to understand the whys of who I am. It just helps. If I can help my children process and move through their anger to sadness....and then be okay with their sadness...and then past that to acceptance and strength....that will help them out A LOT through life.
    I have been thinking about anger lately and about what lies beneath. When you see anger know that there is something lurking underneath...rejection, pain, hurt, betrayal and the list goes on. Each person's feelings are their own and have validation. In talking to someone the other day they kept saying to me, ' I'm sorry YOU feel that way' and it was true...it was how I felt...not them. I dont know if I really have a point in this. I just write to help myself process and also to share what I am learning and going through.
    I dont like anger. It was always such a bad thing growing up....but now I can see that it was just reactions to so many other deeper things and that ANGER was not the issue at all. I see now in my life that my anger that so often explodes or bubbles up is reactions to feeling unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and the list goes on. In short, anger from others towards me and in me towards others does not need to hold power over me and I need to be mature enough to look deeper to see what the root of it is. Remember anger has a root ~ anger has a root and roots, no matter how deep they go, can be excavated if need be.
xo