Whenever I talk to someone who feels like they don't want children...I feel a pang in my heart. I feel like until you have a child you wont be able to understand it anyway but sometimes I try to explain or convince or something...I don't know. Here is the thing...you wont experience any other love like the love of your baby and I don't want you miss that...in case you hadn't maybe known.... A babies love is so real and so intense. For the first however many years of their life you are their everything. If they are allowed they will give you their whole heart, their whole being, and all that you are is all they are. They want only you. They want to gaze into your eyes, snuggle you tight, they want to kiss you and hug you and devote as much time as they can to being with you. They don't see you the way you see you, they think you are absolute perfection. It is an experience like no other. And if you have lived a life where you didn't feel loved and don't really know how to love yourself it is absolutely bewildering! What do they see in you? Why do they love you so? Well, it is because they know you for you. Their heart is connected to yours with such trust and such purity. They want to give you all they have and they want all you have to give. It is pure beauty, overwhelming, so fulfilling, so absolutely amazing...but you wont know until you experience it. There is such a intimacy in living this life of motherhood. There is such a laying down of oneself. There is so much capacity for deep, life giving, nourishing, enriching LOVE.
As time goes on and children grow up life changes and the way they express and feel their love changes...but that foundation is key. If you adopt older children there is power in finding ways to relive that 'baby attachment' experience and if you have a baby that has had interrupted attachment with you there is power in 'going back' to those pure love and trust experiences and recreating them..
Love calls forth life no matter what age you are at. For a baby though...it literally brings them to full beautiful life with the attachment and love they need, or it spells a lot of disaster in their brain development if they don't get what the need. The giving or withholding of love can literally spell life or death for a baby.
I don't know a lot about what the love that a baby GIVES to a mom does for her but I imagine that is transcends what we can really comprehend. There are so many reasons why my children have enriched my whole existence and why each one is so life giving to me and such a treasure...and if I can have more children I will no matter how hard it is. It is a journey I am so blessed to be on and I hope as time goes on I can support others on their journey ~ the love experience like no other :)
It's true. Having Samara has changed my whole life and brought healing to every place in my heart. I have been able to move on and mature and become unstuck because of her joy and love and constant want for me. She is my greatest gift and treasure. God blessed me when he gave me her. Xo
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