Control

   Last night before I went to bed I took a picture of some of the things at my bedside. There was a sparkly pair of pink cow boy boots, a black pair of goggles, a vacuum brush, a train, truck, gardening gloves and a box of diapers. I had not brought any of these into my room.

There are so many things in life I can't control.

Being a spouse and now a parent has really made that clear to me.

People who have gone through a lot of trauma or chaos in their lives growing up tend to need to control something it seems. Trying to control the emotional climate of others seems to be the most popular in adults but there is always food, exercise and the list goes on....

I see this in two year olds so purely. They control when they use the toilet and what they eat ~ it is not so complicated with them and they fight tooth and nail for that control...It is a natural stage of their development.

Have I ever really gotten past two?

I want to feel a certain way in my home, I want to feel a certain way in my marriage, I want others to treat me a certain way, I want my children to do certain things and act certain ways to make me feel good....so I act like I'm two....oh dear.

What can I control? Actions and Reactions I've been told.

And I can't control others.

My room is a good reminder

Each day is a process of trying to let go of that control, trying to work on my attitude and where I let my mind go. Lately I have been losing the battle.

It is good to remind myself though to attempt, try, make an effort to relax and let others be who they need to be! It is okay for me to be who I need to be.

I can only control myself