Christmas Eve
My little ones are so excited for today and tomorrow. These, besides their birthdays, are the most magical days of the year. What a gift to feel that wonder and magic and to know that there is such joy and excitement to be had. I get to help create that in them and foster that.
In the journey of knowing who I am and how I have become who I am I am thankful that even if I don't get swept away with excitement maybe ever, I do feel deep wonder about many things. I feel joy in an almost painful way it is so precious and treasured, and magic is everywhere when you take a moment to look around you at the way the earth works in such harmony because of how it was created. This morning it is still dark out, the children are surrendered to slumber and I am sitting here thinking. The next two days are very full for me. The list of things to accomplish are staggering. This morning I am thinking about Mary and her journey to birth Jesus.
A mother and father have journeyed far ~ the mother heavy with child ~ achey and sore. There is nowhere for them to stay as the town is so crowded with people so they find shelter with stabled animals in some sort of outdoor shelter ~ some say it may have been a cave. It would have been dark, the smell would have been strong, and the animals would have been stirred by the excitement and presence of strange humans. They would not have been quiet. The mother is a first time mother and she is young. Her own mother and town midwife are not present. Did she know how to breathe through the contractions? The pain of labor is not something you can really imagine before hand. It is so intense and it is not often possible to remain silent. Did her husband know how to support her? Were the animals mooing or baaing or baying? Were they stomping and restless or were they quiet and supportive? Did she feel alone and scared? Were the animals comforting? Did strange midwives come to assist her? Did her husband know what to do?
The baby arrives and they hear that first cry. When you have your first baby you don't realize the beauty of hearing your child's voice for the first time until it happens. This child was very special and they both know it. He is the son of God. They have not known what to really except, but when they hear His voice they are both filled with love and He is their child. Mary would have snuggled him close to keep him warm and would have latched Him as best she could to her breast. Nursing is something that has to be figured out that first time. I hope there was someone there to help her. After a time she would have needed to get cleaned up and would have needed to rest. There was no bed for the baby, she must have used something she had to swaddle him in and then would have looked around for somewhere to lay him. The floor would not have been an option. She gently placed him in a feeding trough for a few minutes to pull herself together as best she could. Oh it would have been so intense. Manure, blood, animals, noise, and that first night of just the wonder and yet bewilderment and also that love that just floods you, and the wonder of how you did that!? You birthed a baby that you grew inside you! It is beyond any feeling you can imagine. There is the reality of needing to diaper the baby, manage your own blood that is flowing, and find a resting spot amidst rats, fleas, manure, straw and more. Sometimes newborn babies sleep for quite a while after birth but my babies did not. I spent that first night holding them and nursing them. That first night is the most precious holy experience.
All of us as loving mothers know we didn't birth a Jesus but we have birthed children that we have hope for. It isn't the hope of them being a saviour. However we hope that this child will be kind and will offer goodness and light when they can. We hope that they will feel our love when they need it most. We hope, hope, hope. So much of mothering is about hope.
Mary was filled with hope and so much more. She went on to have more babies through the years and to raise Jesus as her own. She had one crazy birth story to share with her village and mother back home that would have been talked about again and again during the times of remembering. She would have remembered that shepherds suddenly showed up. A rough and tumble crowd that were wide eyed and sort of bewildered because they had seen a heavenly host of angels! They were being obedient and coming to see a newborn baby they have been told is a king. A newborn baby brings such softness to almost anybody. Their preciousness and vulnerability is this reminder of our essence. The whole scene ~ young Mary, a tiny baby, a stable, animals, shepherds fresh from the fields, Joseph, it is all just a louder, more intense, and yet holy and beautiful scenario for a new family to experience. To think that this baby changed everything for us. For you.
Deciding to allow Jesus to be your voice of guidance and truth does not mean that your life is now easy. It does not take away the suffering of the world. It does not immediately mean that evil is gone. It does mean that your life changes course if you so choose. It means you have guidance, it means you have this eternal promise to walk towards, it means that in death you really have life, it means that you have hope and that you have love. It means that you can walk around with a peace to tangibly hold that passes all understanding in moments where otherwise there would only be darkness. This is what Christmas really is about. Every window of your soul can be wide open to receive at Christmas ~ allowing the light of all of this in.
Jesus, thank you for coming to the world. Thankyou for saving us, for walking alongside us in our brokenness. Thankyou for shining your light in our darkness. Thankyou for convicting our hearts and teaching us truth. Thankyou for the hope of you.
xo
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