Hot Bod

A couple of my children are in swimming lessons right now. It is summer time and swimming is one of those life lessons that we all should have down if possible ~ even if we cant swim someone should teach us to FLOAT! Right now my two middle ones are in the lessons that teach them to float. They are both super skinny and floating is sort of impossible. It's pretty cute to see them try. 
Now normally I dont go to the public pool. It's sad really how much I really don't like it. Going swimming is something my children have always done with their dad. He is a champ and has progressed from feeling overwhelmed at taking two little ones to thinking that taking six kids is really a piece of cake. We only have four but he does not flinch at taking extra children with him. I think he is a hero. However I am not sure if my children even know I can swim much less if they would recognize me in a bathing suit. I am not totally sure what my issue is with public pools. I think there might be more than one. I just don't like them. 
Anyway so I have been going to the pool every morning this week. It's been blowing my mind. The woman. Their bodies. The bathing suits.  I have low self esteem and hate baring much skin. So I have a deep respect for woman who have the guts to just put on a bathing suite...extra props for a bikini, and just strut their stuff. No t shirts covering them, no shorts just the bathing suit. I have seen stretch marks, wrinkles, varicose veins, muscles and flab, acne, baby bellies, tattoo's galore ~ all shapes and sizes ~ and all sorts of beauty. That's the thing. Each woman's body tells a story and brings a deep and different beauty to the pool. It has really inspired me and encouraged me. There is something beautiful about vulnerability and there is something even more beautiful about confidence. Now a woman might feel horrible in her bathing suit but if she is at the public pool with her family and she is wearing one...she has some sort of confidence somewhere inside her and I love it!!!! 
I grew up in a family where there was not a lot of healthy body image or confidence or love of self bestowed. It was just the opposite. So I find that I over cover myself. If you see me in a short(ish) skirt or I'm only wearing one shirt (and not an undershirt) I am feeling really naked and exposed. I ask my husband a lot if I look modest and he usually chuckles and assures me all is more than fine.
When did all these feeling start? I see my four year old just dance through the parking lot into the pool wearing only her bathing suite. I see my ten year old run around in just a bathing suit thinking nothing of it. At what point in my life did I stop feeling that way? What happened?
Now wanting to be modest is a good thing but wanting to be covered up because you feel negative towards yourself is a whole other story. So this week as I have observed all these woman, in all their glory, in every shape and form, showing their confidence and beauty to their children, it has blessed me, and made me think. I have had to hold myself back from going and thanking some of them. I don't want to creep them out :) I still don't think I can go to the public pool to swim and I don't know if this summer will see me in a bathing suit (it doesn't really fit right now anyway), but I might try out some spaghetti straps or something, but at the same time...maybe if I did someone else might have a moment like I am having ~ where they want to feel different, better ~ healed. Where they have a moment that they realize...dang they have a hot body, and its all their own!