Today is Monday. I have a friend who looks forward to Mondays because her husband has that day off. I love that. I want to look forward to Monday. I need something about it that makes me excited for it. That is all I wanted to say about that.
Every morning I wake up and feel like I cannot possibly lift my body off my bed (or in this case my couch because I sleep in my living room right now and the baby sleeps on the floor). I have been up many times in the night and so even though the day has dawned and the darkness has passed...I feel like I cant face the light. I drag out the getting up. I bark and am grumpy at everyone and finally I drag myself down the short hallway to the shower.
Today the bath was full of old slimy water and so I fished out the gross bath toys, drained the water, cleared a path through the dirty clothes and towels and prepared for my baptism.
I feel like my shower each days is akin to a baptism.
It is like I wash off the stains and filth of the day before and the haze and shadows of the long night. All I did the day before that was horrible or selfish or I regret is gone. My bathtub is usually grimy and I start out feeling still asleep. By the end of the shower (and mine are freakishly short because of the baby who is at the mercy of three children and who is usually screaming at the door anyway) I feel revived. I feel like I have a fresh start and I can sally forth. I usually get a chance for a quick prayer also. I get out and today I dressed in old jogging capris that are my painting capris (because they are comfy and I am currently serving as a human snot rag ), my undershirt (because for some reason quite a few years back I started wearing a long undershirt and now I feel weird without one) and a shirt. I whip my hair back in some sort of elastic and brush my teeth. Anything else after that is a miracle because of everyone calling, screaming, crying and needing every shred of what I have to give.
The shower is the one constant, soothing, rejuvenating, healing part of my life right now.
I felt eloquent enough about that to write about it.
I am trying to see beauty now. Each moment. I dont want to think about the future and where I might get to go and see. I dont want to dream about a holiday and how I'd relax or feel better there. I want to be glad here.
Right now the baby has emptied a container of about five hundred pencil crayons someone wanted to donate to us one day, and now he is sitting in it.
My oldest has been playing in the kitchen making a splendid mess but loving creating beautiful drinks and pretending she is a waitress .
The two middles are playing that the baby has been found in the jungle raised by wild animals.
I am sitting at the table surrounded by DVDs that the baby is now pulling out of the drawers, pencil crayons, food from breakfast, paper from map drawing...its all around and I get to clean it up.
Here's to Monday and my baptism
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