Sermon to myself

I need to preach a little sermon to myself so I here I go.
I sometimes try to imagine what life would be like if I was a pioneer woman. Or just a woman living without electricity and appliances. My grandma spent her early years on a farm in Saskatchewan ( I love spelling this name by the way Sas Kat Che Wan). She had no indoor plumbing or electricity and she went places with a horse and buggy. I know that is a huge part of why she was such an incredibly smart, resourceful, creative and inspiring woman. I wish I felt like I was even a tiny bit like her in my abilities. When I would go to her house she would usually be making some jam or applesauce or was out in her garden or she be whipping up some sort of delicious dinner like it was nothing. Her mashed potatoes were so dang good and I dont think she had anything in them but butter, milk and salt. She was a master gardener and her flower gardens reflected the creativity inside her. My mom talks about how she would come home some days and my grandma would have decided to upholster her chairs or sew an outfit and she would just do it.

My grandpa is a very intelligent man and very talented. He was also quite famous. So all my grandma's giftings sort of paled in comparison. I feel like she felt that way sometimes anyway. All the famous Scientists that came to her house enjoyed her cooking from the produce she grew and slept under quilts she made, but I dont know how often they engaged her in conversation. My grandma was an incredible help mate. She worked at my grandpa's newspaper when he owned one. She prepared all the food and got the kids ready for the boat every weekend because he was obsessive about sailing. She hiked endless trails, and manned the sails. When he ran the sand sculptures in Harrison she was the photographer. I wonder if she every got mad or felt stifled or like she wanted to get away and shine. I wonder this because of the thoughts that go through my head. I feel like my life is so easy. I have a dishwasher. She never had one. I dont sew my clothes. She sewed most of hers and looked so regal. I dont make a healthy balanced meal every night. She did. I dont have a garden this year. I dont know how to can and pickle and quilt because I dont need to. The list is endless.
However that doesn't really matter. I am a stay at home mother. I serve and serve and serve. Last night I blew up about it and was super rude to my husband about 'serving'. I needed to step back a moment and remember no matter where you are and no matter if you are 'noticed' or not...you can quietly shine. You can do things that you love. You can do things that make your heart happy. That is what my grandma did! When my grandma couldn't do something as she aged she would do something else. That is why she learned to play piano. When she couldn't do that anymore than she wrote poetry and it was incredible. She didn't let the fact that she went virtually blind and deaf defeat her. She just kept on shining. I feel like at this stage of my life I let a lot of things get me down.

 Admittedly I did not know my grandma when she had five small children. Her life was probably a lot less creative. I know she never folded laundry just had a clean basket that everyone had to pick out of. So I know that cutting myself slack is important. However I want to take parts of her essence and adorn myself. I want to remember her spirit and be inspired. I want to realize that I am not a pioneer woman for heavens sakes! I have life so EASY! I am not cooking over an open fire or a hot wood stove. I am not making all my children's clothes, washing them by hand, and doing cloth diapers, I am not milking cows, making butter and cheese and baking bread. I am not preserving everything because I dont have a fridge. I am not spending hours in a huge garden because I have to to survive. I dont HAVE to wear a dress every day. See what I mean? It's crazy how easy I have it. Yet every day (well almost every day) I am pretty sure I dissolved into tears at least once and feel like I need to have a pity party because I am so tired. Imagine if I was trying to cook for this family over a wood stove with food that I could not refrigerate. See, even writing this make me feel like getting my chin up a little higher and squaring my shoulders. My life is EASY. So with that I am going to head into the weekend with this very trashed house...with thankfulness. I KNOW I have that spirit in me. I know I can keep on keeping on. I know I can handle whatever I need to. I know I can shine and so can you! So can you.
'Keep on my good woman...keep on...(that's for you Margie ~ love ya)